[Closed] One, two, three, not only you and me.

[whatagoodgirl]

Who: Nakama and Johan, Nakama and Nill, and Nakama and Gau
What: A whole lot of meetings involving sightseeing, typing, and note-sharing.
When: Day 24 (I think?), various times.
Where: Loki district and Heimdall district.
Rating: G, will edit if it changes.

[Comment headers will be placed in the entry for each character's log!]

Comments

[whatagoodgirl]

[She takes a deep breath. As upsetting as it is to some, this is something she feels her friends have a right to know.]

I'm dead. Back home, I mean. There are a few of us here. I don't know if we stay alive once this is over or... [An audible swallow.] ...not.

[uglyinside]

[ A pause. This was an interesting reveal. ]

Are you scared?

[whatagoodgirl]

[She hasn't talked a lot about this, because most people have closed the conversation right there. But Johan said he felt that he could share things with her, so she wonders... can she admit the truth?]

Sometimes I'm scared. Sometimes I'm just mad, because it took me so long to get used to the idea of dying, and then I was brought back and I might have to do it all over again. Sometimes I'm sad, because I can't tell my friends and my mom that I'm alright, even though I'm not in their world. Sometimes I... feel so terrible about feeling any of those things, because this is a gift, being made useful again and getting the chance to experience so many things I never have before. So I should only be thankful.

[She clenches her fists in the blanket, briefly overwhelmed by emotion. It was hard, but it feels better to have it out, even if the wave is taking a moment to crest and disappear.]

I - I guess I don't know how to feel about it.

[uglyinside]

Gratitude isn't the only thing you should be feeling. You're able to experience so many emotions, why not feel them all? That's being grateful for the chance you have right now, because that ... [ Finally, he tears his eyes away from the sunset] is that it means to truly be alive.

Anger. Sorrow. Fear. Regrets. You should embrace these, because you're able to feel at all.

[whatagoodgirl]

[She just stares at him for a moment, because - she's never, ever thought of it that way. It's sort of like what the letter said when they got here: 'laughter and tears.' The whole spectrum, not just positive emotions.

Pain is part of being alive.]

Johan... [She blinks, then smiles a bit.] You make things make sense.

[uglyinside]

[ He gives her a somewhat knowing smile, as if he just shared a secret of his own with her. ]

I like talking with you. Once I know this place better, perhaps I can play host to our next outing.

[whatagoodgirl]

[She blushes, but her smile widens.]

I'd like that.

[That's when she realizes that the cart has stopped, and she blinks as though coming out of a trance, glancing around.]

Do you want to see the petting zoo now?

[uglyinside]

[ Johan shakes his head politely. ]

It will get dark soon, and a bit cooler. I was wondering if perhaps we could get a nice warm drink together somewhere indoors?

[whatagoodgirl]

Oh, you're right - I forgot how long the carriage ride was. We should've gone to the petting zoo first. [Frowning at herself.

... and then her frown deepens.] I spent my whole paycheque on those maps, so it'll have to be one of our houses. I don't mind making us something, though.

[uglyinside]

It's fine. [ He puts up his hand in an easing gesture. ] Your place, then?

[whatagoodgirl]

[She manages to hide her inward relief that they're going to her own house, both because of the unsettling feeling that another house brings and because - well, she's still a bit unsure about Loki.]

Sure. [She climbs down from the carriage, then, remembering Johan's earlier act, stops and addresses the driver.] I hope you get to go home soon. It's getting cold. Enjoy the rest of your day.

[She gets no response, but it does feel a bit better talking to him.]

[uglyinside]

[ Johan folds up the blanket as she speaks to the driver, placing it back into his bag and then steps off the carriage. He gives the driver a wave, himself, and begins to walk beside Nakama. ]

Are there any rules I should know about before coming over?

[whatagoodgirl]

Rules? [Surprisingly, that gets a little laugh out of her.] No, nothing like that. Heimdall's just like any other house, except people might be more inclined to step in and say something if you look sick or upset. We worry about one another.

[Gently.] We care about one another.

[uglyinside]

It sounds like you take pride in where you were assigned.

[whatagoodgirl]

Honestly, it was... a bit alarming at first. I showed up and everyone kept saying "Are you alright? Do you need food? Do you need to sit down?" This big shock we'd all been through, and everyone was worried about me.

But - I think I do, now. It's nice to be someplace where people care.

oh jeez, no notif for this :( I'm so sorry.

[uglyinside]

You didn't have that, before? [ He's going to let Nakama lead the way to the Heimdall house, of course. ]

that's okay! happens to me all the time <3

[whatagoodgirl]

Well, my mom cared about me, of course. But she mostly just let me get on with it. She didn't fuss.

And... I didn't really have a lot of friends before I came here. [Tucking her hands into her pockets and hunching her shoulders a little.] I didn't have any friends, until a Nature School last summer.

[uglyinside]

You know what it's like to be alone. [ He says, understanding, before looking over at her. ] Before I went to University, I didn't have any friends, either. There's always that special someone who reaches out to you, though. Isn't there?

[whatagoodgirl]

Why not? [She blinks up at him, surprised, then shakes her head vigorously.] No, I'm sorry. That's too personal. I'm just... I can't imagine you with no friends.

[uglyinside]

[ He smiles a bit wistfully. ] Oh, it's not too personal at all. I was always deeply involved in my studies, so I could one day get into Law School, and tried my best to make my parents proud. [ He seems to be fondly recalling... a completely bullshit story. ]

I never really fit in. It took a while for me to come out of my shell. Perhaps you know what that's like...

[whatagoodgirl]

Yeah, I do. [Seriously.] Coming here, having people be so kind to me... it did take awhile to trust it all. I spent a long time waiting for it all to fall apart.

[uglyinside]

You no longer feel that way? [ Innocently. ]

[whatagoodgirl]

[He does ask the hard questions at times.]

Sometimes. [Honestly.] I feel like there's a real me they haven't seen yet, and when that happens... but I've trusted some of my friends here with a lot, and they haven't let me down. They haven't turned their backs on me yet.

[uglyinside]

The real you? [ He looks ahead, repeating it to himself. ] The real you.

Why is that? If you don't mind me asking.

[whatagoodgirl]

[A chill runs through her. It always comes down to this moment, doesn't it?]

Johan... if I tell you something... please don't let it change your opinion of me. I can't make you promise, but please try.