[closed]

[sworntovalor]

Who: Merlin and Lancelot
What: Bro-chat times
When: Night of day 134, after the knighting celebration
Where: New Camelot
Rating: PG

[The celebration lasted long; it seems everybody is in desperate need for some release, for something to keep their mind off of the horrors they experienced and the hopelessness of their situation. Being knighted is the greatest honor of Lancelot's life. That it could also give the people he cares for, and the people he doesn't yet know some reprieve as well is just the icing on the cake.

But like every celebration, it too had to end. And like every celebration, once it's over and done with, it leaves the hosts with a souvenir. He's not supposed to help clean up, he knows. The celebration was in his honor. But he'll be damned if he actually leaves his friend to tackle all this work on his own. 

He loads up cups, goblets and plates into his arms and takes them back into the kitchen, to unload them by the sink.]

I have good tidings -- these are the last of them. 

Comments

[dragonspeak]

[Merlin, elbow deep in soapy water and dirty dishes already, looks up with a skeptical grin.]

Good tidings would have been that we were done with this half an hour ago.

[He wipes his hands on a towel and surveys the new pile with a critical eye.]

Well, there's one good thing. We know just how many Travelers were eager to see you knighted, Sir Lancelot. You're a knight again, at last.

[sworntovalor]

[He laughs at the first part.]

You don't have to do this, Merlin. I can finish on my own.

[The second part has that laughter fading into a smile that, while undeniably pleased and proud, also holds a tinge of sadness and apprehension.]

I don't know if 'at last' is appropriate, it hasn't been that long since I was knighted last.

[dragonspeak]

[At that tone and reminder, Merlin stops in his cleaning. A stack of dishes is pushed aside as Merlin leans against the counter, eyebrows raised.]

Right. About that. It wasn't just my imagination, thinking you were acting oddly during your own knighting ceremony, was it. What's wrong?

[The stubborn set of his expression and the crossed arms should tell Lancelot he's not getting out of answering properly.]

[sworntovalor]

[He sighs; the downside of having friends as wonderful as Merlin and Arthur and now it seems the la- no - Morgana is that he cannot get away with anything.

He leans against the counter as he tries to organize his thoughts into coherent sentences.]

Knight of Camelot and guardian of Asgard, that is the title Arthur gave me. But I am not either, not really. How can I be knight of Camelot when I know nothing of what troubles all of you? When I have to support Princess Mithian's desire to learn the sword because I cannot guarantee her safety? How can I be guardian of Asgard when I could not even guard you?

[dragonspeak]

Don't blame yourself for what...happened to me. [His voice roughens with the memory of pain.] I was careless. I'll just have to pay more attention from now on.

The other stuff...not your fault either. [Merlin looks at Lancelot seriously.] The princess would have wanted to learn eventually, and it's better that way, with the war coming. And you had no say in when the gods would take you from our world. It's just...coincidence that we ended up this way.

[Truth be told, sometimes Merlin forgets there is a gap between them. After a pause, Merlin asks softly, ] Does it been bothering you that much, not knowing?

[sworntovalor]

I should have protected you. You are not a warrior, Merlin, but I am.

[The rest of it may not be his fault, but he will never cease to blame himself for that. He shakes his head; it's not the princess's desire to protect herself that troubles him as much as the necessity of it. It marks yet another failure for him as a knight.]

I am not the man all of you expect me to be. What I've done in Asgard is all I've done since I left Camelot. How can I be a knight that you can depend on when I don't even understand what it is that weighs upon your shoulders?