[closed] and we'll talk like this was the toughest love.

[whatagoodgirl]

Who: Nakama and Roxas.
What: Puppies! And discussion.
When: Day 137
Where: Heimdall --> Sigyn 104
Rating: Guessing PG-13 in case talk of the darkness comes up, will adjust if things get any worse.


[Nakama's looking a little bit better than the last time she saw Roxas, but not much - she's visibly losing weight from her already whip-thin frame, and her skin is pallid and pale. She's done her best to hide that, though, wearing her hair down to frame her hollow cheeks and dressing in loose clothing.

She jogs up to Heimdall's front steps, then sits down heavily, gasping for breath; just a few days away from training and without much solid food and she's feeling so weak. She didn't want to be late, though, so she had to hurry. Shading her eyes against the sun, which already feels foreign after so much rain, she keeps a lookout for Roxas.]

Comments

[faints]

You didn't...again, right? I didn't-- [ Fail to save you twice. That's what he's most worried about right now, expression stricken and ill and filled with worry ]

[whatagoodgirl]

No! No, I was barely even injured, and I got those healed as quickly as possible. [Well, most of the time. She stares down at her hands, those phantom spots of blood reappearing.] I just... went kind of crazy. It didn't hit me what I was doing until Conan and Merlin and I talked about it, and ever since then - I've been wrong inside. Sick.

[faints]

[ And that's all his fault--if he hadn't done a better job looking after her, if he hadn't gotten himself killed, he might have been able to spare her all that. ]

I'm sorry...

[whatagoodgirl]

Roxas, no. Don't blame this on yourself, too. I did this all myself... I had a choice, and you even asked me to take it, and I didn't. I'm starting to get better already! Living here, having people to help me talk through my nightmares, is really helping.

Please... don't blame yourself.

[faints]

If I hadn't gone out to look for... [ Access & others ] --I could have been there.

[whatagoodgirl]

It's okay. We both have other people to worry about... I don't expect you to supervise me all the time. You have a lot of friends here, and I don't always expect to be first on the list.

[She picks Daichi up out of his hands and sets him down in the box, then sits beside Roxas and takes his hand.]

None of this is your fault. And it's over now... it's going to take time to heal, but we will. I promise we will.

[faints]

Nakama, I... [ he wants to tell her--he wants to say what happened, to give her a reason for his self-perceived failure, but nothing comes out. He just squeezes her hand and looks downward ]

[whatagoodgirl]

Yeah? [She watches him, waiting. She's got patience - he can stay as long as he needs until he's ready.]

[faints]

--Nothing. [ He loses the nerve. She's already feeling guilty and terrible, he can't add that to it. He'll keep it to himself and bury it if he has to--Nakama doesn't need this right now. ]

[whatagoodgirl]

You're not mad? You don't want to -

[She can't say it, but she's been fearing that the loss of trust would end their relationship. She has no models to look to for relationships in her life, no examples either positive or negative - as far as she's concerned, one misstep could mean the end.]

[faints]

Don't want to...what? [ The thought hasn't even crossed his mind--and honestly even if he's upset, this is such a small thing compared to the pain of having to be there and watch her die, knowing he couldn't do anything to help her. ]

[whatagoodgirl]

I thought... if you couldn't trust me anymore... then you wouldn't want to - be with me anymore. [She starts to blink rapidly and heavily.] I was so scared...

[faints]

Why would I trust you any less...? You know what it was like--even I couldn't...just sit back. I was scared. That whole thing was just messed up.

[whatagoodgirl]

[She can't help it - she turns to him and throws her arms around him, clinging tightly. All that intense fear draining away leaves her feeling empty, exhausted, and she holds him like she might just float away without him to anchor her there.]