[CLOSED] I'm sorry I wasn't better...

[burningcreator]

Who: Shou and Karu
What: Saying goodbye
When: Night - Day 173
Where: Hospital
Rating: PG-13 for Shou's mouth


Shou would be a complete mess by the time he reached the hospital, lingering outside to avoid anyone seeing him like this...

He was crying. He'd seen Nakama's goodbye post and just... lost it. It hadn't even occurred to him that this was the war the Gods had brought them here to fight. He just thought insane shit like this happened every month or so. If this was really goodbye... There was a lot he had to say.

He sent a message to Karu, waiting outside the doors for the blonde to find him.

Comments

[burningcreator]

Wha', y' wanna swim in a pool full o' kittens or somethin'?

[Not that Shou has ever wanted to do that with baby pigs of course. Nope. Never.]

[hushedpenance]

... Hm, more than anything~! How did you guess? [ The exhale that follows causes his shoulders to sag. Really, Shou? ]

You're such a jerk... you know? [ Then, more fondly: ] Terrible.

[burningcreator]

[He looks a little proud of himself at Karu's sarcastic response. He genuinely... seems to think that Karu was being serious.]

[So of course he looks extra hurt when Karu says he's a jerk.] W-wha'..?

[He's dumb. SEND HELP.]

[hushedpenance]

[ . . . ]

I was n...ot being serious...

[burningcreator]

Alrigh', look. [Sorry Karu, he's running you over because he has serious shit to say.]

I can' git ya a pool full o' kittens, but I kin prolly find ya at leas' one kitten in short order.

...Would tha' make y' happy? [It's... laughable how serious he looks.]

[hushedpenance]

Shou...

[ Oh. Run over again. ]

Shou, w― [ He's still not listening? ] Shou...    Shou...

[ He takes a deep breath, speaking quickly, loudly, to get a word in. ] Shou I meant I was never serious about the pool of cats.

[burningcreator]

[He pouts.]

...Then how 'm I s'pposed t' make you happy? [His voice gets quiet as he asks this, avoiding Karu's eyes. He's... genuinely hurt, isn't he? Happiness is such a confusing, fleeting emotion, yet he desires so strongly to give it.]

[hushedpenance]

... You asked what I wanted if I could have anything. Not... what would make me happy.

[ He looks over his shoulder at the man, then back out over the shambles of Asgard. Of course he knows he'll have to explain himself to Shou. ]

What I wish for and... what would make me happy aren't always the same, you know..?

[burningcreator]

...Wha'?

Why not?

[Karu should have seen that coming, really. He probably did, but said it anyway, not that Shou picked up on that.]

Don' y' wish y had wha' makes y' happy?

[hushedpenance]

Maybe so. [ Which is to say, of course, but wanting something and actually getting it are two different beasts. ]

... If I could have anything? ... My name. I want to know my real name. I might not gain anything from knowing-- it might even end up hurting more than if I never knew. [ He holds his breath, waiting, daring Shou to laugh at him. It's stupid, it's pointless.

He knows. ]

[burningcreator]

[No laughter, just... a confused stare.]

Ain't... "Karu" yer name? [It should be obvious that it isn't, Shou. Otherwise he wouldn't have asked for such a thing.]

How d'you... no' know?

[hushedpenance]

[How do you not know? Ouch. He looks ready to snap back, but the emotion settles quickly.]

Don't― [... Don't ask me that.] I just... don't. You should already understand what it feels like to not know something... To feel your mouth dry out when someone asks, not realizing that they're picking a wound.

[burningcreator]

[The question is innocent in intent, honestly. He doesn't mean to dig at any old wounds.]

[...what it feels like to not know something...]

[He bristles. His wife had often used lines like "you should know this" and "you can't possibly be that dumb". So of course he could sympathize, but could he logically make the connection that Karu wasn't trying to make fun of him right now?]

...then where'd "Karu" come from. Did y' make it up?

[seeksthebutterfly]

[He notices and steels himself, half-expecting to have to dodge a grab or a punch. Though nothing comes, his tension remains.]

Make it up? Of all the things... [Karu narrows his eyes, but drops the act a second later. Why bother?]

No. Of course not... My father gave it to me. It was meant to... [There's an obvious hesitation between his words, one that he can't shake off or beautify with lies.] ... match my brother's name.

... Why did your mother name you... "Shou?" [What he never says is, "Did she call on you fondly? What goes through a mother's head when she chooses a name for the child she carries?"]