asgardmeridiem | [ closed ] I know I'm a nerd but give another play to this song.

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[ closed ] I know I'm a nerd but give another play to this song.

Who: SPIKE AND WES
What: talking about stuff :<
When: some day

Where: Odin Haus
Rating: PG for maximum heterosexuality (THERE MIGHT BE HUGGING) and/or crying js

[ spike pounded on wesley's door a little desperately, trying not to show how distraught he was when really it was a lost cause. the other man would know instantly that something was off -- something was wrong. and maybe that was why he had come here and not to anyone else. or maybe it was just that he didn't have many other options. ]

Wes? Wes, you in there? Wes. Open up. [ oh and he's drunk. surprise. ]

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Spike? Spike! Stop!

[Wesley swings the door open before the other man can break it down. He'd like to say he was surprised to see Spike drunk, but this was Spike and Wesley had read the Watcher Journals.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Wes didn't move to let Spike inside, instead he sighed and mentally asked himself why he insisted on being friends with the ex-vampire]

Don't you think it's a little early to be this drunk? At least wait until dinner.

[ he leaned on the doorjamb, eyes wide and bloodshot; his face red -- he'd been crying. ]

Dinner can wait.

[There's frowning, lots of frowning once Wes really looks at the other man, and then he's moving and ushering Spike inside and locking the door because something made Spike cry. Spike doesn't really cry except for things Wesley doesn't like to think about.]

Is...Had Fred vanished?

[He's smart enough to know that if people can just suddenly arrive in this dimension then they can just as suddenly leave]

[ he shook his head -- almost violently, as he allowed himself to be waved inside. ] She's still here, mate.

Sit.

[He heads into the kitchen and pours a glass of water. It give him a chance to calm his head and return to being annoyed at Spike]

Drink.

Now, what's wrong?

[ he looked at the water like he didn't know what it was for a second as he slotted himself into the chair. but then he's sipping from it, simultaneously clutching his head. ]

She wants to know -- everything. She thinks she does, anyway.

[His heart stops. No. There are a million things wrong with the future, her future.]

What did you say?

[His teeth are clenched and if Spike has been dumb enough to say something to Fred, Wesley's not sure he can stop himself from punching the blond.]

I didn't. I didn't tell her, you know I couldn't. [ he looked up at wes then, eyes red-ringed and exhausted as he took another short sip. ] But she's not going to quit asking, Wes.

[The frown returns as he thinks]

Maybe...maybe she will. Or, at least, she'll stop asking us, but- [Wince] she may also never speak to us again.

[It's a sacrifice he's willing to make if it means she stays happy and ignorant of fate, but he can't speak for Spike]

[ he nods, glancing away again, the two options have been teaming through his head since this whole thing started. ]

I know.

In her current memory I'm, well, they haven't spoken to me in months. I'm untrustworthy; I can be that again.

You understand this, yes? I will hurt her to keep her from knowing.

[He'd cry if he wasn't so determined in his thought of pushing her away

It was the last thing he wanted to do]

She'll probably return to you for answers. You can lay the blame on me or you can remind this dimension why you were called William the Bloody. Fred is smart, but she's also wears her heart on her sleeve. It's better to break that heart then tell her the truth and watch her give up. Here she still has Charles and anyone else who is from our past.

[ nodding again, he placed his elbows on the table, bracing his head on the back of his hands. it should be so easy: hurt her to help her. but spike had naively thought they could have her back. ]

I won't throw you under the bus, alright? Not again.

[Wesley almost smiles, but stops himself even as he pats Spike's arm]

Loyalty is unneeded in this, but, thank you.

[After a moment of silence he clears his throat and releases Spike's arm]

We need to get our story right...

[ he reacted quickly, grabbing wesley's arm as the other man pulled back. ] It's un-bloody-needed, don't be daft. All we have is each other here.

[ letting out a breath he realized he shouldn't have held at all, he released his friend, scowling deeply. ]

What possible story could we feed her? She's not stupid, she'll know we're lying.

I don't...

[There were many ways they could use to turn Fred against them. Attack her confidence seemed best, but Wesley was pained at the very idea]

Did you know I once tried to kill her? I'm not suggesting we attempt that, but I said things...painful things. We have to attack her heart, her trust in us, so that our words can never be trusted.

This... [ more tears threatened to spring forth as he looked up at wesley, almost reaching out for him again though he didn't - putting his arm on the table and biting into his lip. ] It can't be the only way.

[ he had spent so long reforming, becoming a damn good guy - or at least as good as he was capable of. a chaotic level 8 1/2 on a scale of 1-10 evil to good. to just turn it back; to tell fred he was lying that he didn't care? the thought of her believing it was a little ridiculous for how much he'd already proclaimed for their friend. he shook his head, unsure if he was even capable of such an attack. ]

Then what do you suggest!?

[Wesley refused to look at Spike because he was as unsure about this whole "plan" as Spike was and seeing the man nearly in tears... No, they had to be strong]

Should we tell her about Angel's betrayal? About how her friend helped smuggle in the coffin of an Old One so that a co-worker could have her infected? How do we explain how strong she tried to be and yet she begged me to let her stay?

She died in my arms, Spike. I saw her hollowed out bit by bit and turned into a shell of everything she ever was. I felt her grow cold! If you can tell me how we are suppose to just tell her everything then do it, otherwise shut up!

[Now he was teary-eyed and in bad need of a few drinks. He missed Fred. He missed her smiles and laughter and that strange nose thing she did when she was confused.

It wasn't fair that he was brought to a world with Fred only to not be able to have her]

[ his hand darted out for wesley's wrist without looking up, a tear falling silently down his own face. they had both been through so much, and spike had tried so hard to insulate wesley from illyria back in hell but it was just as futile as now with fred herself. maybe more so because they seemed drawn to each other as if by magnets. ]

I can't hurt her, I can't. [ their pain was shared but its engineering was different. wes had seen her die, had seen her fight. spike was there to watch illyria fight fred's echo; to struggle for her own place in the world. he wasn't about to say it, though; his friend had already been through so much. ]

But I will. [ his bloodshot eyes slowly tracked up to wesley's face. ] So you don't have to.

[ if there was one thing spike knew how to do it was how to be the fall guy. ]

[He stared at Spike's hand on his wrist for the longest moment. Why would Spike bother? They had barely known each other back home. What was it about Fred that could draw people so close simply because they had known her? In a sad and sick way, Wes thought it would all be so much easier if Illyria had been here]

D-don't. Not alone.

I don't even know how I'm going to start. I just can't tell her the truth. I can't tell any of them. [The first tear falls, splashing onto Spike's hand] We are going to lose her again. Why do I keep losing her?

[ spike saw love and he strove to protect it. it didn't matter if it was his love or not, or if he knew wesley well. though he certainly felt as if he knew him better now than ever before, which is why he got to his feet and pulled the man in for a hug -- absolutely no protests would be entertained. ]

You won't. You're smart, you-- we can puzzle this out, yeah? We will.

[There's probably something wrong with the whole fact that Spike is comforting Wesley. To be fair, if Angel was here he'd probably be doing the same thing, which wouldn't do much to help those annoying rumors around L.A's demon world...

Wesley was too sober for this amount of crying and hugging, so he steps back and pulls on a proper English attitude]

Right. Sorry. Lets, uh, lets never mention that.

Now, about Fred...we could angle the truth. Allow her to know only so much, such as working for Wolfram & Hart, without her knowing the why of it.

[ he claps wes on the back and opens his mouth to say something - but then he's already onto something else and that's fine too. spike doesn't need to talk about it to be here for him. he puts one hand on the table behind him and cocks a hip against it to put some more distance between them. ]

Yeah, I told Gunn that much, so I'm sure it'll get back to her anyway. Though - Fred didn't even tell him I was a vampire. [ he shakes his head at that; he doesn't want to get off track. ]

You look like you need a drink, mate.

I need a lot of drinks.

[He remembers Illyria complaining about his habit. Well, she wasn't here to be all godly and judgmental]

You seem to have found a good place; take me.

That's what we've come to, isn't it? Enabling each other.

[ he turns away and gestures for wesley to follow. ] Come on, know a place in Odin.

[Wes lets Spike lead him to whatever watering hole the ex-vampire has found. There was a lot of drinking to do before Wes could face Fred]

[end]

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[ closed ] I know I'm a nerd but give another play to this song.

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