asgardmeridiem | Fading sun, what have I done

Entry tags:

Fading sun, what have I done

Who: Severus Snape and closed threads to: Alice Liddell, Barty Crouch Jr., Voldemort, Hermione. Otherwise OPEN TO EVERYONE.
What: The aftermath of Mirror Verse
When: Days 365 through to 367-ish (up to and including the earthquake)!
Where: Various places around the city
Rating: PG for now, though there will be some violence at some point.

[Upon returning to the real Asgard, upon realising with sick dread that he's returned without Lily, Severus goes into hiding for the following two days. It's the only thing he can do while war is still waging outside. He's so bone-weary, feels so physically and mentally broken, that he can't face another moment of devastation and destruction and terror. He can't bare to think about Lily still being trapped there, unsafe, lost, her life horribly in danger.

He's failed her. Again. Seems that's the curse he has to live with: always failing the very woman he secretly, desperately, longingly loves with every wretched fibre of his being.

Despite how sore he is, how much he's aching in his muscles and deep in his bones, how heavily lost in a murky depressed fog he is, he throws himself into working on school schedules and doing what he can to organise school matters from the privacy and safety of his own place. It gives him purpose. Gives him focus. And when the explosion of heat suddenly sweeps across the city, Severus is safe enough to have to only duck down with a scramble under his desk, although the heat that settles heavy and oppressive in every nook and cranny is like being trapped inside a burning oven; very soon, he's scrabbling and tearing at his clothes, desperate to get them off and away from his perspiring skin.

In fact, it's the heat itself - and the apparent end of warring giants that's followed in its wake - that prompts Severus to eventually decide to venture out onto the streets. The heat is blazing, hotter than any heatwave he can remember ever hitting Britain; with very few clothes to call his own save those he arrived in Asgard with all those months ago, he has no choice but to don only his black slacks and white shirt, lest he faint from heat exhaustion.

Though he desperately wants to roll his sleeves up, he doesn't - his Mark has faded back to a faint reddish outline, dead and dormant, but he doesn't want to see it, doesn't want anyone else to see it. He'd rather swelter than ever let his shameful Mark see the light of day. His shirt clings wetly to his back with pit stains under his arms; his black hair clings in sweaty strands to the back of his neck while his forehead is bathed with perspiration. His face, however, despite being ruddy with the heat, is pale, withdrawn, pinched with a deeply repressed bitterness that's dangerously simmering beneath the surface.

It's not just the heat that's getting to him - it's the stubbornly unspoken thoughts and even more stubbornly ignored feelings about the previous several days bottling up inside him. Waiting to explode. Like a ticking time-bomb.

He will be found frequenting the Great Library and the school building he's bought, traversing between the two at regular intervals while he moves everything across to his new office. And in between his trips to the library or to the school, he can also be found making stops at cafes and shops for a much needed drink. Or he can sometimes be found stopping by a fountain or crouching down by a running tap, splashing cool water over his face. Or he can sometimes be found sitting on a bench in the street when he's too overcome by the heat to be able to stay on his feet any longer, broodily staring at the ground or down at his hands.

Anyone is free to stop him, although they may find themselves on the unpleasant receiving end of Severus' very short fuse. One should only approach him at one's own risk.]

[[ooc: Snape will mostly be around Odin district, however feel free to have your character bump into him anywhere, really. Feel free to also have your character bump into Snape post-earthquake on day 367. Prose or action tags are both fine with me! I'll match whatever you reply with. c:]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Thank you, professor, it... I'll prepare it properly," she said as she took the bag. Her hands, which had been clasped together reached out for the bag and they were trembling. She saw them and was quick to grab the bag and bring it close, trying her best to hide them.

"T-Thank you," she said again, taking a deep breath. Lady bell gently nudged Alice's shoulder, trying to be reassuring. "And I've had her since I made her. Jamie and I had to get across the city a-after..." after she came back. She took a deep breath. "His leg was injured and..." she would just keep rambling lest Severus stopped her.

"Lady bell m-meet Professor Snape. Professor S-Snape meet Lady bell."

The shakiness of Miss Liddell's hands definitely don't go amiss on him. With her taking the bag from him, he clasps his hands behind his back, subtly eyeing her trembling fingers and being positively unsure whether to ignore it or not. He decides to go with ignoring it, especially given the way she doesn't seem to want any attention drawn to it.

The shakiness in her voice is much more difficult to ignore, however Severus tries his best, stiffly sizing the gryphon up. That is, until she mentions that Jamie had injured his leg, and Severus cuts his eyes back down to her. He immediately thinks to ask about Jamie but... No, he'll wait. He can see she's upset and dredging up conversation about what happened will only make her more so.

"I see," he replies with a seeming cool detachment, to both her explanation and to her introduction of this Lady Bell. Behind him, Steven announces his presence with a grunting sound and, seeming to detect that Miss Liddell is sad, steps around Severus and cranes his neck down towards the little girl. He butts his head against Miss Liddell's cheek with a slow, carefully affectionate nuzzle.

"If you show me the way to the kitchen, Miss Liddell, I'll brew us both some tea."

"This way, please, professor."

Alice knew he saw. It was her professor, of course he saw. He couldn't not see because he was Severus Snape, Potions Master. He noticed the most miniscule, minute alteration in giant vats of concoctions, he would notice her shaking hands and her stuttering. So that he didn't say anything, made her extremely grateful. She led him to the kitchen.

The tea kettle was still sitting on the burner, as tea was frequent in the house.

"Would you like something to eat, sir? We have quite a bit you m-might like."

Severus follows her to the kitchen, Steven trailing behind him. At her offer for food, he simply settles a hand on her shoulder and begins steering her towards a chair instead of answering her. He's not hungry, anyway.

"Sit down, Miss Liddell. You can tell me why on earth you decided to draw for yourself a gryphon while I make the tea."

She sits down and looks over to him. Steven stays by her, nudging his head against his shoulder as his innate loyalty sought to make sure she was alright. Alice ran an idle hand along his head.

Her professor was in her house, and he was alive. She took a deep breath.

Little things.

It was little things she had to focus on, to make her happy.

Little things like Professor Lily with her dogs, Danielle with her stories, and Professor Snape with his tea coming to visit her to see how she was. Little important things like Jack holding her tight. Important things like the older Alice just staying in the house, wanting to be near. Important things like the Dashing Doctor and her mother holding her close while she sobbed until there wasn't a tear to be had in her entire body. Her Doctor letting her cling to him at night in his bed when the nightmares were too close and too real.

Important things like Jamie waiting for her.

Little not so little, more than little but very very important things. Not little at all in importance but just little things.

She could do this. She could do this. She could do this.

Maybe not all at once but little steps just like the little actions.

Little steps building towards the door of her room, down the stairs, to the front door.

Maybe soon enough, maybe hopefully enough, outside once more. Outside in her garden.

Just not right now.

It took Steven giving a sound for her to be pulled from her thoughts as she had just been staring at Severus' back for a long moment.

"Hmm? Oh." She suddenly remembered she was supposed to be talking. "I... I returned from that... Asgard, before Mr. Thor saved everyone." She didn't know Severus had seen her body, crumpled under broken sky. "And Jamie was back as well but injured. Having... returned..." she took a deep breath. Then another. "He was waiting for me at the castle and after having... returned I was too exhausted. I don't... think I could have been very fast and Jamie's injured leg would only get worse from trying to run on it. With giants still attacking and neither of us at our best, I made Lady bell. She could run and get us on top of the buildings, could fly and focus on getting us home while we focused on the giants." Well, so Jamie could focus on the giants, making Lady bell on top of being revived had essentially drained her to the point of passing out.

"So that's why, sir."

Severus sets straight to work making the tea. Of course, he doesn't actually know where everything is; when he steps across to the kitchen cupboards, he begins opening and closing them in search of two cups (he finally finds two mugs and sets them on the counter) and then goes through the drawers for a spoon.

He'd normally ask where everything is, but the task of hunting around is usefully distracting. It gives him enough time to centre himself enough to be able to push aside the memory of seeing her body for now.

It's only when he's retrieving milk from the fridge that he realises Miss Liddell has been awfully quiet for the last... well, he's not sure how long, but it seems long enough. He turns to look at her questioningly, carton of milk in hand, just as she finally begins to speak.

He returns to the task at hand, though once she's done and once he's tipped a splash of milk into either mug, he sets the carton down on the counter top and faces back to her.

"Funny. He never mentioned to me that his leg was injured."

She looked over to him and if she were the sort, she might have shrugged, but thankfully she was never particularly fond of such a gesture. So she drew up her knees onto the chair's seat and rested her cheek on them.

"We stayed together in a safe house at the edge of the city when he got it. I was tending to it as best I could. He got it... well he got it protecting me. We were making our way through the city, when a native spotted us. We escaped when I... well when I struck the native over the head." With a frying pan, to be completely accurate. "After that, it was mostly hiding in allies and waiting for giants and the sort to pass us while we made our way to the house. That was the day before... before we returned to Asgard. We didn't see you, sir, how could he have told you?"

He tenses up a little as Miss Liddell begins recounting what happened in the mirror world before... well. He's trying hard not to think about it; he faces back to making the tea, focusing extra closely on the task.

He stops at her question, eyes lifting to peer off-guardedly at the cupboards directly in front of him. He quickly returns his attention to the tea, slowly stirring a teaspoon in one of the cups. He's frantically trying to think of a way to word it without bringing it up.

"We crossed paths," he evenly settles on saying. "After the... the sky fell."

If she had anything in her hands, she'd have dropped it at the mention of the falling sky. As it was, they were shaking and she had to stop herself from letting out a sob. She remembered the sound of the cracking, the sound of shattering glass. Silently, without so much of a word or a sound she got up from her seat. Perhaps it would surprise him but she just... she needed someone, she needed to feel someone beside her, to know she wasn't along. She wasn't very tall in comparison to her professor, but trembling arms wrapped around his waist and she hugged the dour man from behind.

The professor was here, she wasn't alone. She wasn't alone. The professor was here and she was safe, he was safe, Jamie was safe.

No more falling sky, no more cracking glass.

He carefully strains the teabags, pressing them against the edge of the cups with the back of the spoon, before neatly setting them aside. Miss Liddell is being awfully quiet again, he thinks to himself, and he's about to pick up the cups, and turn around to look at her once more when little arms suddenly wrap around him from behind.

He freezes, and tea almost sloshes out from both cups upon absruptly. He quickly steadies the cups and as he lifts a brow in surprised uncertainty, he peers down towards those little arms clutching onto him. Over his shoulder, he casts a hesitant glance and for what seems like much longer than a few moments, he really isn't sure what to do.

And so, he just stands there and lets her hug him, although to an onlooker it would appear as though he's completely ignoring her. He's very much not ignoring her, however; in fact, he's strangely touched by the gesture. A moment or so later, he decides that's enough now, you can let go, Miss Liddell, and he takes hold of her forearms and gently removes them from around him.

"I've made your tea," says Severus. Cup in hand, he turns carefully, uncertain if she's going to surprise him with another hug, and he just as carefully extends the cup down to her. "Careful, don't spill it," and then he adds softly, "We needn't talk about anything unpleasant if you don't want to."

She doesn't protest that he's ended the hug, she's too exhausted to do such a thing. That he was even willing to let her do it in the first place speaks volumes to their relationship, she supposes. Whatever it could be called, not friends perhaps, but something like it. She nodded as she was handed the tea cup, her hands not shaking as much as before.

They went back to the kitchen table and she takes a seat. She's glad for the talking, for the tea, for things that are safe and controllable. She could control this, on some level. Even if Professor Snape was unpredictable, at least that was, in a sense, predictable. You could always count on him for that, at least, just as you could count on Alice for her madness.

She prepared her tea the way she liked it, taking slow sips. Tea was balm for the soul, she once read... somewhere. She wasn't sure, but it sounded perfectly accurate.

It was a moment before she realized she wasn't talking again.

"Thank you," she said softly, quite happily sipping her tea for the moment. "It's very good." Which was a high compliment from her when tea was concerned. "I don't... know what's unpleasant anymore. Sometimes I think things are safe to talk about, that there isn't anything wrong with the topic at hand, and then... then my mind betrays me and the worst memories occur."

Collecting his own tea, he follows Miss Liddell to the table, pulls out a chair, takes a seat. After a couple of sips, he places his cup down gently with a soft tap on the wooden surface, and he watches the tea ripple in his cup in between glancing at his student with silent sombreness.

The corners of his eyes crease in a hint of an almost-smile at her saying the tea is good.

"It'll be like that for a while, Miss Liddell," he says, deciding not to coddle her with untruths, but doing so in a low, almost gentle voice. He looks down at his tea again, his thumb idly tapping against the ceramic handle. Eyes then back on her again. "But the important thing to remember is that you're safe now."

He regards her for a moment, thumb still tapping the handle of his mug. "I can, if you like, teach you a technique that might help with the bad memories."

She looked up from her tea and blinked, perhaps a bit owlishly, at him.

"Help how, sir? I wish I could just forget such things," so many things... "what will it do?"

"Were we in my world, helping you to forget would be an easy feat. A spell, a Memory Charm, would remove the unwanted memory or memories from your mind. Alas, we are not in my world. But there are ways to manage bad memories."

Shifting on his chair, he turns to face Miss Liddell. "Turn your chair towards me, Miss Liddell, and place your hands on your lap, like so." He demonstrates; he rests his hands, palms down, on his thighs. "And when you are comfortable, close your eyes."

She did as instructed, as she was often wont to do when the professor gave her orders. For all their little back-and-forths on matters, Alice usually ended up doing what the Professor told her when it came to real instruction. She shifts so she isn't sitting with her knees drawn up and adjusts her skirt before resting her hands in her lap as demonstrated.

She shifts again, just a little, comfortable, and closes her eyes.

"Now," Severus continues once Miss Liddell seems comfortable, and he pauses to think about how to go about explaining this in a way that a child would understand.

"Think about a memory that you cherish most," he says. "Your happiest memory."

Her happiest memory? She thinks and thinks and thinks. There are quite a few she could choose despite only being seven. Her happiest memory...

The day she was given Dinah for Christmas was a very happy memory, one of her favorites. There was meeting the Sandman and Jack Frost and Tooth Fairy... there was the ball where she got to dress and dance like a real lady.

Her happiest memory...

She took a deep breath and found one that even now, made her smile.

"I-I have it, sir."

Severus finds himself strangely glad, if not encouraged, to see her smile. He sits a little straighter.

"Good," he replies, and he's purposefully lowered his voice to that of quiet calm. "Now, focus as hard as you can on that memory. Think about the people that may be in that memory, or the smells you may remember. Whatever makes that memory come to life to you in your mind, focus on it.

"Take a deep breath in, Miss Liddell, and imagine, while you're doing so, that you're breathing that memory in, allowing it to fill you."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Fading sun, what have I done

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

"upon absruptly." i must have been half asleep when i wrote that tag, goodness

<3 it happens!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject