[closed] and we'll talk like this was the toughest love.

[whatagoodgirl]

Who: Nakama and Roxas.
What: Puppies! And discussion.
When: Day 137
Where: Heimdall --> Sigyn 104
Rating: Guessing PG-13 in case talk of the darkness comes up, will adjust if things get any worse.


[Nakama's looking a little bit better than the last time she saw Roxas, but not much - she's visibly losing weight from her already whip-thin frame, and her skin is pallid and pale. She's done her best to hide that, though, wearing her hair down to frame her hollow cheeks and dressing in loose clothing.

She jogs up to Heimdall's front steps, then sits down heavily, gasping for breath; just a few days away from training and without much solid food and she's feeling so weak. She didn't want to be late, though, so she had to hurry. Shading her eyes against the sun, which already feels foreign after so much rain, she keeps a lookout for Roxas.]

Comments

[whatagoodgirl]

Daichi. This is Coco, and she [Indicating the final puppy with a nod of her head] might wait until she gets an owner to be named.

Don't worry, though... he's far from old enough to understand his name or any commands or anything. You can just say any nonsense to soothe him as long as it's in a soft voice.

[faints]

Right... Okay, come here Daichi... [ oh goodness, he can do this. HE CAN DO THIS. He just needs to carefully scoop him up like Nakama showed him. Place a hand under his belly, one under his bottom and...tada! Puppy in his arms, and possible the stupidest smile on his face ever ]

[whatagoodgirl]

[Nakama watches this whole procedure carefully, and when he beams at having done it right, she lets out a little giggle.]

[faints]

He's so tiny.... [ Even if he's the biggest of the bunch, he feels like the smallest thing in the entire world right now ]

[whatagoodgirl]

[He's also wriggling in Roxas's arms, trying to get to his fingers. He knows full well that it's feeding time.]

I know... I've never seen puppies at this age before now. They're so dependent on you for everything - like babies, I guess. It's really fulfilling, taking care of them.

[She grins down at Coco, wiggling a finger in front of his face and watching his little paws come up to try and catch it for more delicious formula.]

[faints]

[ Oh goodness baby, be patient he's still getting used to this ;; He'll reach over to dip his finger in the formula like Nakama, bringing it back to the tiny thing tentatively. ]

Fulfilling...I guess so, yeah. [ His expression brightens ]


...Do you remember anything from when you were little, Nakama?

[whatagoodgirl]

[It's such a relief to see him looking like himself again. She'd been hoping the puppies would have a bit of a healing effect on him too, even if it only lasted while he was at the house, and it seems to be working.]

Hm? Yeah, I guess. From about... maybe three or four years old on, not when I was a really young baby or anything. Why do you ask?

[faints]

Just curious... What kind of things do you remeb-- [ Oh, give him a second here ;u; Daichi's suckling ]

It tickles, haha.

[whatagoodgirl]

[She giggles again, watching with a warm smile.] Yeah, luckily they've got no teeth yet. It feels funny, doesn't it?

[She lets the partially-spoken question pass, hoping it won't come up again. Most of her early memories are as unpleasant as her later ones, only somehow worse because they came with the confusion of not knowing why everyone seemed to hate her mother so much.]

[faints]

Mmm... It's neat. [ he also doesn't want to pull his finger back, but it's all out of formula so he needs to dab his finger in it again puppy ;u; ]

[whatagoodgirl]

[She doesn't want to break this peace, this pure happiness that they've had so little of lately, but she's got Karu's words ringing in her ears: you have to tell him. Every time she makes one decision, the other seems better. What should she do?

She sets Coco down once he's all fed and picks up the unnamed girl for her feeding. There's still a softness about her features as she holds the puppy, but now it's somehow shadowed. Her gaze lifts to Roxas, and she feels a painful twist in her heart - she likes him so much. How can she admit that she broke a promise?]

[faints]

[ He's pretty oblivious until he chances a glance upward from Daichi to seek out her approval. Instead he's met with the expression she wears and his own turns to confusion and concern. He knows that look--she's troubled by something and isn't sure how to say it. He's seen it on her and a lot of other people recently...probably even worn it himself at one time or another. ]

Nakama....?

[whatagoodgirl]

There's something I have to tell you. [She blurts it out before she can stop herself, all the words pouring out in a rush.] I won't blame you for being mad at me, or even for not trusting me anymore, but I think it's right to tell you right away instead of having you find out some other way.

[faints]

Being mad at you....? [ His stomach drops a bit ]

Why would a be mad at you? What is it?

[whatagoodgirl]

... remember the night I came back, when the one thing you asked me to do was to stay in from then on?

I went back out and fought that night, and all through the next day. I can't explain it except that I didn't want anyone else to feel what I felt after that Taken stabbed me. Just healing wasn't enough anymore... I had to stop them completely, because they weren't leaving anything to heal. They were killing, so I had to kill.

[She lowers her head, expecting and waiting for the worst.] That's why I've been so sick. I... I can't kill, Roxas. You were right, I should have stayed inside.

[faints]

[ he's...not even sure how to take that. Surprise and hurt are obvious emotions, but then guilt comes in and he feels sick to his stomach when she mentions the following days. The hardest ones, where he'd found and Access and he...

Roxas quickly fists one hand at his side, looking downward ]

[whatagoodgirl]

I'm sorry. [Her voice is thick and choked, with the slightest frantic edge.] I know it's not enough, but I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...

[faints]

No, I... [ "I'm just happy you were okay" doesn't seem appropriate, because she's not. he can see it when he looks at her and it just reminds him of how not-okay he is. He doesn't want to think about it. ]

[whatagoodgirl]

[Tears finally start to spill from her eyes, and she sets the puppy down, somewhat relieved when she just curls up to nap beside Coco.]

You have every right to be mad. I... I should never have done that. I just want to help people, but I go too far... and there are people I can hurt here by doing that. It's not the same as at home. I have to learn that.

[faints]

You didn't...again, right? I didn't-- [ Fail to save you twice. That's what he's most worried about right now, expression stricken and ill and filled with worry ]

[whatagoodgirl]

No! No, I was barely even injured, and I got those healed as quickly as possible. [Well, most of the time. She stares down at her hands, those phantom spots of blood reappearing.] I just... went kind of crazy. It didn't hit me what I was doing until Conan and Merlin and I talked about it, and ever since then - I've been wrong inside. Sick.

[faints]

[ And that's all his fault--if he hadn't done a better job looking after her, if he hadn't gotten himself killed, he might have been able to spare her all that. ]

I'm sorry...

[whatagoodgirl]

Roxas, no. Don't blame this on yourself, too. I did this all myself... I had a choice, and you even asked me to take it, and I didn't. I'm starting to get better already! Living here, having people to help me talk through my nightmares, is really helping.

Please... don't blame yourself.

[faints]

If I hadn't gone out to look for... [ Access & others ] --I could have been there.

[whatagoodgirl]

It's okay. We both have other people to worry about... I don't expect you to supervise me all the time. You have a lot of friends here, and I don't always expect to be first on the list.

[She picks Daichi up out of his hands and sets him down in the box, then sits beside Roxas and takes his hand.]

None of this is your fault. And it's over now... it's going to take time to heal, but we will. I promise we will.