The Doctor ♣ Eleven (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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asgardmeridiem2012-09-17 11:25 am
comeonthensexy) wrote in asgardmeridiem2012-09-17 11:25 am
Entry tags:
[Closed] The greatest man
Who: The Doctor, the Legs and the Nose.
What: There is something wrong with the Doctor. The Ponds go to poke him with a stick because he has taught them well.
When: Day 142, not too long after this thread
Where: Room 508 in Sigyn house
Rating: PG
Silence.
For a moment, the Doctor just looks at the screen, his expression falling, slowly turning solemn and distant. It's something like burned into his retina, into his vision - the image of River's terrified expression - and the ringing of his name repeated in mindless fear of it. Not his name, not the Doctor, but the word doctor, the title, but it doesn't matter how much he tells it to himself.
He takes a breath, shuts it down and slowly stands. Without his TARDIS and without knowing when he'll see it again, the room that is supposed to be his seems so lonely and empty that he never goes there during the day. The night is quiet and is supposed to be quiet, aside from whatever a person does himself, quiet and empty and perhaps a little lonely and then his room works fine. But not during the day. And, still, he doesn't feel like staying in a room where someone else could easily see him because it's their room and, so, he leaves Rory's, walks the stairs because people are more likely to take the lift, and pushes the door open to his own.
The bed is completely untouched. He hasn't slept for even an hour since he came here, maybe he's tired but he certainly doesn't feel like it. But now he sinks down onto it, pulls in a deep breath and leans forward onto his knees, running his fingers over his face.
River is her name, and she's a clever one. The strings of everything, she said, and he exploded and rebooted the universe once.
Being afraid of him is understandable, and it hurts. It's almost like he could have let River be, let her stay afraid of him but he couldn't - couldn't leave someone in distress like that, especially not over him... If only he could fix it.
But he can't, he can't, because he could never fight so hard to save others that he would tear the very fabric of space and time apart to do so if necessary. What kind of power is that to hold in your hands?
"You make them so afraid" and he can't even say he hasn't given anyone a reason.
Another breath, and another, in and out and he places a hand to his chest and he can't tell if he just has one heart. The ache doesn't feel very different, isn't concentrated on one spot. There's no difference. But why would there be?
River Song, raised to be a killer and River Tam... who knows. Mystery there. Both broken, one because of him, one because of doctors, of healers, of wise men. Of mighty warriors.
The Doctor, mighty warrior. Could he ever have imagined? He just wanted to see the universe, but he just had to intervene. And yet he would keep doing it. And scare people.
The man who makes people better. He smiles, wry, drags his fingers through his hair and leaves his hands at the back of his head. And there he stays, and breathes.
People are right to fear him.
What: There is something wrong with the Doctor. The Ponds go to poke him with a stick because he has taught them well.
When: Day 142, not too long after this thread
Where: Room 508 in Sigyn house
Rating: PG
Silence.
For a moment, the Doctor just looks at the screen, his expression falling, slowly turning solemn and distant. It's something like burned into his retina, into his vision - the image of River's terrified expression - and the ringing of his name repeated in mindless fear of it. Not his name, not the Doctor, but the word doctor, the title, but it doesn't matter how much he tells it to himself.
He takes a breath, shuts it down and slowly stands. Without his TARDIS and without knowing when he'll see it again, the room that is supposed to be his seems so lonely and empty that he never goes there during the day. The night is quiet and is supposed to be quiet, aside from whatever a person does himself, quiet and empty and perhaps a little lonely and then his room works fine. But not during the day. And, still, he doesn't feel like staying in a room where someone else could easily see him because it's their room and, so, he leaves Rory's, walks the stairs because people are more likely to take the lift, and pushes the door open to his own.
The bed is completely untouched. He hasn't slept for even an hour since he came here, maybe he's tired but he certainly doesn't feel like it. But now he sinks down onto it, pulls in a deep breath and leans forward onto his knees, running his fingers over his face.
River is her name, and she's a clever one. The strings of everything, she said, and he exploded and rebooted the universe once.
Being afraid of him is understandable, and it hurts. It's almost like he could have let River be, let her stay afraid of him but he couldn't - couldn't leave someone in distress like that, especially not over him... If only he could fix it.
But he can't, he can't, because he could never fight so hard to save others that he would tear the very fabric of space and time apart to do so if necessary. What kind of power is that to hold in your hands?
"You make them so afraid" and he can't even say he hasn't given anyone a reason.
Another breath, and another, in and out and he places a hand to his chest and he can't tell if he just has one heart. The ache doesn't feel very different, isn't concentrated on one spot. There's no difference. But why would there be?
River Song, raised to be a killer and River Tam... who knows. Mystery there. Both broken, one because of him, one because of doctors, of healers, of wise men. Of mighty warriors.
The Doctor, mighty warrior. Could he ever have imagined? He just wanted to see the universe, but he just had to intervene. And yet he would keep doing it. And scare people.
The man who makes people better. He smiles, wry, drags his fingers through his hair and leaves his hands at the back of his head. And there he stays, and breathes.
People are right to fear him.
no subject
He briefly turns to Amy with furrowed eyebrows before quickly scanning the room, trying to figure out exactly what feels so wrong.
"Is it just me, or is it suddenly too quiet in here?"
Ah, wait. No wonder it's so quiet. Where's the cosmic nine year old who never, ever stops talking?
"Where's the Doctor gone?"
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It's her thoughts recalling the last conversation before she arrived. Very simple, yet:
Will that still happen, even with the Doctor here?
A boy without his box. Amy is giving the bracelet a long stare, an accusing stare that wants to unlock all of it's secrets. Why do they have to be here? What does that change? Why now?
Rory's voice rips into Amy's stream of thought, leaving it tumbling and forgotten when the present is mentioned. Silence. She sits up, flickering her eyes across the room. Just silence.
"Doctor?"
Looking back to Rory, there is concern written on her face. It's light, but an obvious presence.
"You don't suppose... well, he could have been bored. Sitting around all day, that's not what the Doctor does."
And it's barely a moment after the suggestion that she's up and readily heading for the door. Keep up, husband. We're going hunting for Timelord.
no subject
But, right. The Doctor.
"He might be in his room, but..." He pauses, eyebrows knitting together. The getting bored bit is perfectly reasonable for the Doctor, but slipping away without announcing it or trying to rope Amy and Rory into coming with him feels so unusual.
He shakes his head. "Why would he be in his room? We can check there first, but...come on, then."
The Doctor is relatively easy to find when he's up to something, and if he isn't up to something, something is wrong and his room is the first place to look. So Rory doesn't give Amy much of a choice. He takes her hand, leads her to the Doctor's door, and knocks.
"Doctor?"
no subject
He can hear his heartbeat, the blasted one heartbeat, can hear his breathing - in, out, in, out - slow and calculated, just as slow as it needs to be to will his body to calm down. Ignore all thoughts, focus on the senses, it's difficult, he's always thinking, always thinking, the Oncoming Storm and River and "what you need to ask is; what happened to them". Shut up. Shut upshutup.
There's a crease to his brow and the very slightest jump as there's suddenly some weird thumping, and it takes him a moment to realise that it's knocking and-- Ah. Ponds.
How long has it been?
This is unusual behaviour, he knows it is. If he pretends not to be there, nothing says they won't enter anyway and that will be even more unusual, and then they'll get all worried and ask questions. But if they're not here to ask questions, check on him, then what could they be here for? Unusual behaviour is rarely all that good, they might just already be worried. But if he opens, he can still have a chance to divert their attention to something else.
There's no need for them to carry any of his centuries-worth burdens.
So he jumps up, kicks around some of the things on the floor that he hasn't figured out a use on his homemade machine (hopefully) for yet to make a bit of noise, and swings the door open with a smile.
"Ponds! Hello!"
See, there's nothing wrong here.
no subject
Of course that's her first question. They are words slash feelings she can't quite control. Like word vomit. A best friend will worry, that is fact.
She does note the smile, but she's looking through it. She knows his little perks, a fix of the bowtie—the man who will try to fix the problem; their problem, most of the time. The Doctor trying to be an actual doctor, but there is only so much a man can juggle. May be a Timelord, but he's seen that pain.
Amy gives Rory a careful glance. And you're an actual nurse, Rory. You know these situations, people or kids not wanting to accept help. Wincing from the prick of a needle, so help me out here.
no subject
"You left without saying anything," he begins cautiously. "We thought you might be...sick or something."
It's a flimsy lie, but the Ponds are both concerned and the Doctor isn't likely to tell them what's really up without a bit of coaxing.
no subject
She knows. They know. Rory attempts to cover it up and the Doctor can just smile, keep smiling, at that. Sick. It's often a joking response when someone acts odd, isn't it? Are you sick?
But they don't think he's sick, that's just ridiculous. When has he ever gotten sick?
"I can't wander off without a word myself sometimes? You people I bring along often get into that habit."
no subject
There's been so many points in time where things dulled into just pain. Curled into a sobbing mess, unable to hold the circumstances of wrong footing.
But she got through it. Amy Pond is here and doesn't even know what sort of mess is coming. Her arms cross and she makes her own way through the Doctor, welcoming herself into the room. He's coating it up, nice treatment comes later.
"Fess up."
no subject
"Look," he continues patiently. "We're just concerned is all. Both of us. You never come to your room unless you abolutely have to. If something's wrong, we'd like to know."
no subject
He goes to close the door, chews on his bottom lip as he steps over to the device he's building, fiddling on an end that still needs to be fastened properly. It shakes when he prods at it, and he spins it a lap around the one loose screw that's holding it place. Fess up.
This is why you don't let yourself get into patterns. Unusual behaviour makes people understand they should be concerned. It's a problem.
One heart. He really does just have one heart. It's wrong. One heart, loss of senses, no TARDIS. Everything is wrong and the only thing right is Amy and Rory. Worried Amy and Rory, kind Amy and Rory. Always knowing when to worry and always kind.
He's not sure if it makes the ache in his chest duller or worse. Seems to fluctuate.
Finally, he straightens back up and turns to them again. "You're not going to drop it, are you?"
no subject
One heart? That can mean very little to her. She will punch you another one, Doctor. Don't forget that. Whether she makes it out of twigs and super glue, she would make you another. She was a very crafty girl, Amelia Pond. Who is to say she isn't now?
One heart or not, still her Timelord. Still her Doctor who is hurting.
That "mmm" is met with a thoughtful look, although completely fake, and a sharp shrug while welcoming herself to a seat. She pats at both of her sides. A seat for both of her boys, of course. The look is suddenly something gentle, eased and trying to shine something warm into that poor face. Amy can be a bit rough, but she means well. Something isn't right in the universe when he has a hidden sadness that is grumbling.
Hearing it, she decides it's time to get that fixed up.
"Nope, come on."
no subject
Rory doesn't think about how many hearts the man has or how sharp his senses are, but he does think about how happy he makes people, especially Amy. A huge part of Amy's life has been shaped around the Doctor and by extension, the same has happened to Rory. Initially when he first met the Doctor, Rory never wanted to care, but now he does and the Ponds can't have an unhappy Doctor on their hands.
"Face it, Doctor," he says, taking a seat on one side of Amy. "You can't get rid of us now."
no subject
And who knows what will happen with that now.
He chews on his lip some more, but does sit down after only a little while - or drops down, more like, on the other side of Amy. He drapes his arms over his thighs, leaves his hands hanging between them and he's looking stubbornly at the wall.
No. He can't.
"Have you ever feared me?" he asks, voice low and deep and almost raspy with... something. "For even a moment, a minute, a second, or less. Even once. I can't tell."
They've never seemed afraid of him, and suddenly that seems so strange.
no subject
Another reply shot by Amy Pond. Bang. She does feel like she should take a step back, giving herself space to actually think. There have been moments where she wasn't quite sure who she was looking at. An image of her supposed Doctor, struck with the terror of emotion and anger. Someone like the Doctor can hate and she can clearly see this as something else. Just their very first adventure and she was almost sent home, like a child. She stayed clever, bearing with that face until it ended with an embrace.
Gotcha.
But she doesn't take it back, giving him a weary glance, weary of the reason why he needs to even ask.
"Never you."
Feared time, but never you.
Every other vicious being has to fear him, but she will fear time. The little Amelia Pond who waited for him, sitting on her suitcase and just waiting to be scooped up. Something he can't control at times, it's forgiven. Time can be so cruel, wondrous, and so painful. She leaves all of this curled into her head, like a hushed secret. A very obvious secret, it might as well not be one although she's not quite there—Room 7. Amy Pond never reached that point.
no subject
Has he ever feared the Doctor? It's a complicated answer. The Doctor is kind and generous and loving and Rory has never doubted that, but then there are moments--moments big and small where Rory fears what happens the things that happen when you travel with the Doctor. The monsters and scenarios that follow the Doctor through time and space are utterly unpredictable. There are so many of those little scenarios that he'll never forgive, not ever, but when he separates those from the man himself...
The Doctor is just the Doctor. Old and kindly, absolutely ridiculous at times, and nothing to fear.
"No," he answers finally in a firm tone. "Not you. Why do you ask?"
no subject
"I don't know if you're wise, stupid or just stubborn," he says ruefully, and maybe it can only be taken as almost insulting but he doesn't mean it that way.
He just doesn't really understand.
"You'd be right to. I just found out there are those who do. Not... here," aside from River, possibly, he doesn't know (he hates not knowing), "but... elsewhere."
no subject
Amy leans at his side, briefly laying her head on his shoulder. She gives it three playful bumps of the head, bumping those three words as a reminder:
"Wise, stupid, and stubborn."
She really does see it around most of the time, a best friend offering their shoulder. Her head doesn't stay there long, but she stays close. Her eyes are fixed ahead, letting their words just stir and twist amongst each other.
"Someone who shouldn't be afraid of you, Doctor?"
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But Rory knows people fear the Doctor. Amy hasn't seen it, but Rory's seen it first hand, and he's seen those who fear him try to do away with him entirely.
"Who are you talking about, specifically?"
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He shrugs. "I don't know," he says, and it fits as an answer to both questions. "There was... someone..." Shaking his head, he gives the slightest sigh. "She reacted to my name, so it wasn't me, exactly. But... Well."
Rory could probably easily understand. A reminder.
no subject
Her eyes are wide and the response almost snaps like a reflex. It's strange, Amy being not so quite good with this... emotions talk. How does one juggle with that other than ignore it?
But she's reaching for his hand, giving it a squeeze.
"The bad things don't always outweigh the good things and Doctor—you've done some good. You are doing some good, I—"
A pause, swallowing.
"Even so, you give Doctor a good name. There are a lot of places that wouldn't just... be without you."