asgardmeridiem | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Raven and Lancelot
What: Lots to talk about~
When: D190 - Afternoon
Where: Heimdall and beyond
Rating: PG-13 tops, I think. I'll change it if necessary.

[ Raven's been waiting outside for Lancelot almost since the moment he said he'd be there soon. She's antsy, pacing back and forth, and not only because this is the first time she's really had a chance to talk to Lancelot since the war. The very war that was supposed to see them all go home afterward.

Well, at least a bit of good came out of them not actually going home. She can see and talk to Lancelot again, along with the rest of the people she's met here ]

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No, I should apologize. But you are right about one thing, we should definitely talk about it.

[ She looks up at him for only a second before looking away again. Sorry Lancelot ]

Raven -- stop -- please.

[They can't have this talk like this; it's too important, too serious.]

Let's sit down and speak of this properly.

[ And it's not even the only important, serious thing she wants to talk about with him ]

Okay then, let's sit and talk. I think- We have a lot to talk about.

We do -- come.

[Taking her hand, he leads her to a secluded corner and gestures for her to sit, only sitting after she does.]

If I understood you correctly...we are both conflicted over feelings for others.

[ She simply nods as she sits, then twists a little to face him, no longer just looking down at her hands ]

Conflicted over feelings for others. Yeah, I guess you could probably put it like that.

[He takes a deep breath, trying to decide how best to address this. The last thing he wants is to hurt her, and prying might do just that. But she brought this up, and perhaps some prying so she could unload is precisely what she needs.]

Would you like to tell me about it?

[ She doesn't often respond well to prying if it isn't what she wants. But this time- Well, they need to talk. This isn't quite the topic she had in mind but it's not far from it ]

I don't know what there is to tell. It's because of him that I started to realize that I shouldn't have to hide who I am.

[ She says it as though caring for Erik was just the logical next step ]

Being grateful is not the same as being in love.

[Not that his own explanation is any better - he laid eyes on Guinevere, and that was all it took. He still sees her face before him when he closes his eyes, hears her voice begging him to stay, not to put himself in harm's way.]

No but it's a good place to start. And I'm not really sure that I love him, but I do really care about him.

[ And suddenly the question is does she love Erik? Or...? ]

Love is not something you work towards - you either feel it, or you do not. That is, I believe, what you must first ask yourself.

[He cannot imagine not knowing with a certainty.]

It's not- I just meant that that was the moment I really started to care about Erik. Or that I realized I already did. I'm not sure.

This may be a forward question but -- why are you not with him?

[Why did she kiss him, when she cares for another? Was it an attempt to forget impossible feelings? Will he one day do the same, in a desperate attempt to leave Gwen behind?]

[ She considers not answering that question and simply moving past it. She's not really sure she knows the answer to that, honestly ]

Because it's not as simple as that.

How so?

[Lord, he hopes there isn't another in the picture. He wants her to have the happiness he cannot achieve.]

[ Well, she had had something of an interest in Hank, but it had been brief in comparison ]

Because I don't even know how he feels. He's not exactly the most open person.

Have you tried asking him?

[The honest and direct route is the only one he really knows. He looks at her with endless sympathy; he knows full well how difficult this is.]

Well no, but it's sort of complicated. I can't just- Well, he probably wouldn't answer me anyway. Or he'd give me some answer that isn't quite the answer to the question or- Or something.

[ Or those are the answers she would give to those questions... ]

Raven -- you cannot and will not know until you ask. You cannot replace the person you love. It may be difficult, but you must know for certain. Talk to him.

[ She shakes her head quickly, looking at Lancelot with an all but insulted expression ]

You think I'm trying to replace him?

You do not allow yourself to go to him. Anything else you might do while you love him is an attempt to replace that which you do not allow yourself to have.

[Lord knows he's trying to replace his love for Gwen with duty.]

So, do you think I kissed you to try to replace him?

[ She's sure that she isn't actually being accused of anything, despite what she's saying and the tone she's using ]

I cannot tell you why you did anything you did, that is again - something only you can truly no. But I do suspect you kissed me because it's easier than facing a possible rejection from the man you love. But easier - does not make it right. You deserve your true love.

[And he, what does he deserve? To spend his life gazing upon the woman he loves being happy with another man?]

[ She shakes her head. No, she doesn't believe that. When she kissed Lancelot, she's sure that it had nothing to do with Erik or rejection or anything like that ]

I kissed you because you're nice to me. Well, not just because of that, but you're nice to me while I look like this and you're willing to defend my right to be proud of how I look and when you first started talking like that I realized just how amazing you are. [ Breathe, Raven ]

I was a little overwhelmed with- with emotion, I guess, because no one talks to me like that. Ever. Especially not where I'm from. At home, regular people are willing to kill people like me because we're different. They're afraid of us and if they don't take us for experiments so find out why we are the way we are, then they'd kill us. So to have you say that you'd protect me and my right to be who I am...

[ She stops there, actually makes herself stop there. She didn't want to say even that much. She doesn't want to stay on that train of thought anymore. Though when she does control, she doesn't stray too far from it ]

Yes, I care about Erik - I don't know about love, though - but he's not the only one. And you- Whatever I feel for you has nothing to do with him. I know it doesn't.

[Confusion. Funnily enough, the thought never occurs to him. He knew with such certainty that Gwen has his heart it didn't occur to him it might not be this way for her.

It's easier to think that she loves another and simply wanted to put her own mind at ease than to think that he will have to break her heart. Again, he falls short of his own ideals.]

Raven -- you deserve so much better than someone who simply does not judge you for your appearance. That should be expected of all. Love -- should be something you're certain of. Be it him or me or anyone else.

[ She deserves someone who simply doesn't judge her for her appearance. But what about what she can do? She knows that Erik likes that about her, but is there anything more than that? ]

I don't- Look, I didn't- It was really impulsive and I, well I liked it, but- I don't know. I know that there should be more than just not being judged based on appearance, but it was just a kiss. That's all it was.