It's the calm before the storm [Closed]

[5thchild]

Who: Kaworu Nagisa and Shinji Ikari
What: Their first meeting since Shinji arrived
When: During the afternoon
Where: Theater
Rating: B for bittersweet, C for cute, H for heartbreak and S for sadness

[ Since he came back from Svartalfaheim (aka Dwarf-land), Kaworu still hasn't visited the Theater. He no longer works there, but it's still a place he is very fond of since he can listen to music and play.

It’s quite calming, he thinks, and it takes his mind off his worries regarding the people who left to save the God. However, Kaworu believes it’ll be alright. Because he must believe in them. Of course he can’t help but to worry, but he will wait for their return and meanwhile he will play.

After renting a room with a piano, Kaworu leaves the door open (he always does, just in case anyone wishes to come and play with him) and starts playing. A soft sort of tune, that can soon be recognized at Beethoven’s 9th Symphony "Ode to Joy". ]

Comments

[5thchild]

[ Kaworu blinks at that question. ]

You mean, before meeting you?

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ He nods. ]

That is. If it's ok to ask.

[5thchild]

[ the angel nods ]

I'm just not sure where to begin. [ there is a lot, after all. ]

I was raised in SEELE's laboratories, as their experiment. I was only allowed minimal contact with people, thus I do not know much regarding socialization or conduct.

They did allow me to read books. However, they do not speak of everything I have lived since I left the laboratory, and they didn't properly prepared me for any of it.

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ A labrat of a child, indeed... Shinji couldn't help but frown at that. Just like Ayanami...?

At least Shinji's teacher, after the boy was left behind by his father, gave Shinji a fairly normal childhood when raising him. Or tried to, seeing as how Shinji would grow up to be anti-social like he is today.

But. Kaworu. You...]

...

Were you lonely, Kaworu-kun?

[5thchild]

[ kaworu nods softly ] Very much. I have felt deep loneliness all through my life.

[ even now he feels it. because he is an angel without Adam.

And yet, he still smiles. It's not a fake or dismissing smile, but it's gentle and caring, like it's not something one has to worry about ]

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ Are you that grateful to meet everyone here? Shinji had always felt loneliness, but that... Oh, Kaworu... Your smiles only twist Shinji's heart, rather than reassure him not to worry. If it weren't for this table, he's reach for you. Alas.

But the his foot intentionally touching Kaworu's was the next best thing? ]

And yet you still smile... Why? How? [ That sure isn't someting that Shinji is able to do...]

[5thchild]

Because I have also felt happiness. And the things that make me happy and much more important than the things that make me feel lonely, sad or that hurt me.

It's not a matter of having felt more or less happiness or pain. It's about weighting it.

[ and the smile is still there, always. ]

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ That's probably exactly the problem with Shinji. He weighed what hurt him moreso than what made him happy in his life. Well. He tried to determine what he felt more of, rather than weighed anything, really. (let alone wanting to take responsibility for any of it.) And it will be a while before he realizes that or before Kaworu got that through his head.

He also realized something.

It was a little surprising to Shinji that someone like Kaworu was able to feel loneliness and be hurt like anyone else... Even though he told Misato that Kaworu was just like him and Ayanami, and even though he said that he loved him, too... ]

I really don't know anything about you, don't I? [He thought he said it to himself, but it was outloud...]

[5thchild]

[ Kaworu smiles at those words ]

It's alright. [ it is, even if Shinji doesn't know anything about Kaworu, it doesn't matter. ] As long I can make you feel at ease.

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ At that, he looked down at his own hands, like looking at the table was more interesting.]

You make me feel things, but I don't think ease is one of them. [ Yet he's still here, sitting across from Kaworu. ]

[5thchild]

[ it's Kaworu's turn to go silent. ]

I'm sorry, SHinji-kun. [ he is. All he really wants is to make this person happy or soothe his path to make it happen.

But it's really difficult, isn't it? Like before. ]

I don't wish to make you uncomfortable.

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ He flinched at that. Another apology. Kaworu... ]

It's just. [ It's not like you have control over these circumstances. And it's not like it's what you do. ]

I was so sure I wouldn't see you again...

[5thchild]

I understand it's a difficult situation. [ Kaworu knows well how people can become so upset.

Though... during instrumentality Shinji would meet Kaworu again. And in a new cycle, too, even if he would not remember. ]

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

I wasn't any more ready to see you even though Allen told me you were here.

I didn't want to believe him...

[ (So, in a messed up sense, should he leave from here, one day, he would see Kaworu again.. Sort of. )

Then again. There is no way to be "ready" to see someone again, after something like that. ]

[5thchild]

[ Ah... he met Allen. ]

There are many things most would consider strange, in this place. It seems difficult to adapt at first, but eventually - [ he hopes ] you start to understand it.

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

He said the same thing. [But Shinji wasn't the most interested in listening, at that time. He felt bad, suddenly. He wasn't the nicest to Allen, wasn't he...?

It was natural for Shinji to be skeptical of the exorcist when he said it, even though Allen showed him the picture, but if he heard it from you... ]

He said you were friends. ...Is this true? [ Is he ok to trust? ]

[5thchild]

[ the angel nods ]

It is. he is very important to me. [ but then again, there are so many people important to kaworu.

But Allen... he taught Kaworu so many things already. So the angel can't help but speak so fondly of him ]

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ Well. He guesses he'll take your word for it. Either Allen is a good person or you got a weird judgement of character, Kaworu... He is inclined to assume the latter, for now. (The exorcist and the pilot were different and were probably going to disagree, but...)

He fiddles with his empty glass, to keep from looking awkward just sitting there.]

I see... [ Little does Shinji know, he'll someday make bonds of his own, right? ]

You both were here for so long, weren't you? [ So it makes sense that Kaworu thinks that way.]

[5thchild]

[ kaworu loves everyone, so he may not be the best at judging character, but Allen is indeed someone you should be nice to, Shinji. ]

For over a year. He was already here when I arrived.

[ however, Kaworu focus on Shinji's empty glass next, turning to call the waitress, so she could fill it again ]

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ He'll try. But he makes no promises. ]

You weren't lonely for long, then. I'm... glad. [Well. Here in Asgard, at least. Nothing can be done about how Kaworu was brought up, as troubling as it was to hear... It's just that he was reminded of how long they knew each other. Just a little over a day. And yet a guy like this really had Shinji's emotions haywire like this?

He then blinked when he saw the other boy get the waitress' attention to refill his glass. (Kaworu, you didn't need to!) Yet the sip Shinji took from his re-filled glass of water seemed grateful. Like he needed it. ]

[5thchild]

[ The angel tilts his head curiously, mostly because of Shinji's words. Why would it matter if he was lonely or not? To the angel, definitively doesn't. ]

Shinji-kun, are you lonely?

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

I'm...

[ He put his glass down when he felt his hand and grip shake.

That... Hah. A good question, Kaworu.

Lonely here or there. It's like he said. It made little difference. He was fine with being alone, again. He was going to be fine alone. ...Or so he thinks. He remembers that meeting by the sea. A kind hand reaching for his own in that bath. The night of laying beside one another's beds and talking, just talking, in the dark.

A shudder.

Oh, who was he kidding..?!

A frustrated huff of a sigh. He hides his face hides into his palms for a moment before finally lowering them, making a hesitant glance at the angel across from him.]

....

I'm thinking I should go.

[5thchild]

[ Kaworu blinks, perhaps a bit surprised at those words. However, he smiles next and nods very softly ]

Alright, Shinji-kun.

[ as much kaworu would love to talk more, would love to be with Shinji more, as much as he feels his chest tightening at the thought that he won't see the boy again once he leaves, the angel still accepts everything Shinji says and does. ]

1/2

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ The finished plate and half-finished glass move a little when he stiffly gets up from his side of the table.

The pang of guilt left his throat feeling tight and he unable to make anymore words at this point.

Still wondering if this is normal to think of this whole encounter to have been almost surreal, so far, he then walked over to Kaworu's side of the table.

So just before he leaves, can he do this one thing...? ]

2/2

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[He reached a hand to feel at the angel's neck. It was a rather gentle touch, despite the trembling hand.

He remembered closing his eyes tightly when he did it. When he made the move and heard the sick and nauseating sound of something being crushed, and finally, a splash of something falling into the LCL that Shinji didn't bother looking to see what it was. (And he didn't need to. He knew when he didn't see a head anymore when he opened his eyes and looked at Unit 01's hand and what's left of the mangled body.)

...Yup. His head is there, alright. Yes, Kaworu's well, for sure. (He thinks.) There are no marking there, either, it seems. No different than the day they met, it seems.

Not that Shinji is calling Allen a liar (anymore,at least), he just wanted a little more clarity that you're alive from you, yourself. And that you're not going to disappear when he turns around and leaves.]