asgardmeridiem | [Closed] The night of the Tanabata festival is drawing closer

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[Closed] The night of the Tanabata festival is drawing closer

Who: Kaworu Nagisa & Shinji Ikari
What: Cake, robots, and kittens, and oh my!
When: Day 289, after this text.
Where: Odin, paid housing 102
Rating: C for cute and kittens, A for Awkward from Shinji, S for sweet (and maybe sad). ...Ok, PG, all around.

[ When Shinji said in his text that it had been a while since he stepped out to other districts, like this, he meant it. After the talks he had last time, he had enough "adventure" to last him a while, so he stayed close to his district, mostly. Until he got a text from his... friend? He supposes friend... It was hard to put a label on what to make of it every time he talked to the angel.

It took a bit to find the way to Odin. The only saving grace the former pilot had when he found it was remembering the library that he came to find through his exploring and somewhat odd encounters, last time. (Allen, Asahi, Rue... He'll come to remember them, well.)

When Shinji got to the housing he was told, he wasn't immediately going the door. Rather, he was looking up at that mecha that he saw from the network. It was... right outside! (You'd be blind if you missed it.) It took another moment before he finally quit staring at it and made his way to the door and hesitantly knocked.

Well. He could ask about that while he was here. What would Kaworu do with it...?]

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[ It's a good thing Shinji had put his tea down before Kaworu answered. He would have dropped it none too gracefully.

But Shinji looked no less surprised, if not more than before. A moment of blinking at the other boy before he looks at the other boy warily before looking down to stroke Asariel to distract himself and have less reason to look anywhere else. ]

...

And why did I name it? [ He was an Evangelion pilot. He thinks he knows why it had a name. But he wanted to be sure. ]

You piloted it during a battle. [ kaworu helped. ]

The reason why you named it so - [ Kaworu smiles very gently. he knows very well who Ryoji Kaji is. But- ] I don't know.

[ You might see Shinji tense up.

He really was in that thing, before? He fought? He was its pilot? (Well. Used to be, judging by how Hibiki lent it to Kaworu.) It.. made some sense? It's one of the few things he xan do...

Though he still had no idea on what to do about fighting, let alone if he even wants to... He still felt a pang of frustration. He's a former-pilot here in Asgard AND back in his world (No angels left..). He was able to be replaced, here, just like at Nerv.

It's no different here, it seems.

He finally, stiffly, asks,]

If it's with you, now. Why are you keeping the name?

Because it was something you named. [ There is no other reason than that. Shinji takes precedence and if Shinji named it Kaji, then Kaworu would keep calling the robot Kaji. ]

Do you want me to call it something else?

[ It'd only be a reminder of what is not his, anymore. So. Yes. Yes, he might want you to. But? Rather than say that, he shakes his head. ]

Do whatever you want. ['Why are you asking me?']

[But something else bothers Shinji now...]

What will you do with it, Kaworu-kun?

Fight with it. [ Kaworu takes a sip of his tea next. ]

[ And you say it so easily... This worries Shinji.

Sadly, he isn't as happy about this or happy for you as Allen might be about this new will to fight... ]

...Why? There's plenty of other people that are willing to fight!

Before, it wasn't very bad. The battles existed and many people got hurt, but of late, things have been getting worse. People I love have gotten hurt right in front of me.

And ven hurt, they still protected me.

[ and he couldn't do anything at all. Kaworu doesn't know how to fight. ]

But I want to protect them. I worry for them. And if I can help them, their fights, I wish to do it.

[ Shinji grits his teeth at that answer. No, he doesn't understand. (Altruistic reasons like those are not why he piloted his Eva, after all...) Nor does he care to, right now. He just knows/hears that Kaworu would be one of those people out there. And he wants to protect you. (Especially after... being convinced he wasn't going to see you again; that he's not supposed to see you again, yet here you are.)

Looks like there's no convincing Kaworu, is there? Shinji, stop trying. Just stop.]

But. You said fighting isn't all you have to do to help! If they protected you, it means they want you alive.

Please. If you're that worried, then let me pilot that [once more.], for you.

[ Kaworu's red eyes watch Shinji, in silent. ]

Did you like piloting the Evangelion, Shnji-kun?

[ He almost sputtered at that, but he still answered, and he answered it rather stiffly. Kaworu, don't try to change the subject! ]

...I don't know. [ Which was true. It's sort of a love-hate thing, piloting the Eva. Sort of. He only liked what came with it. The praises, especially from his father or Misato, ~~(or sometimes, scolding...~~) he'd get acknowledgement and approval. There was something he could do. There was a purpose.

He knows what's outside is not an Evangelion. He knows that everyone here isn't fighting against angels, when it comes to these battles. But the idea of Kaworu returning, injured or nearly dead; or possibly not returning, at all... ]

But I do know that I don't think I want you piloting that, Kaworu-kun... [but that's what Shinji wants and feels. Not what Kaworu wants to do. And didn't Kaworu get told, last time and a long time ago by Shinji, himself, to think less what Shinji wants? The angel has just been far too patient about calling Shinji out on that, isn't he? ]

Piloting this robot is not the same as piloting an Evangelion. What you enjoy about it, is not what this can offer.

Shinji-kun. I want to pilot it to protect you. [ Kaworu smiles so very softly ] So you don't have to suffer. Nor the ones I love.

I wish to keep them safe, to fight for them. To fight for you.

If I piloted it before, don't you think I already know that?

[ Yes. Yes, Kaworu is right. And Shinji knows that. He's long learned there are no angels here, no father, no reason to pilot anything. (even now, as Shinji feels so irrelevant in Asgard, right now. ~~Unless he decided that he'll fight to see to it Kaworu make it back home alive, every time...~~)

But.

"I want to pilot it to protect you." from you...
"You won't die, because I'll protect you." from Ayanami, before...

He took a sharp intake of breath at that. Like it jabbed him in the gut to hear that. It was getting too much.

Shinji shook his head at that. That's not (entirely) what this is about.]

"Suffer"?!

I already would be suffering, wondering if you'll be returning or not!

[ Kaworu blinks.

he doesn't understand that. At all.

Why does it matter if he returns or not, when he is not important? Why does that take any precedence or why Shinji is so driven to take Kaworu's place if-

ah, no.

He does understand it. Somewhat? ]

You don't have to suffer about that. Shinji-kun, it's alright. It doesn't matter if I live I die and it's not your responsibility.

But, here in Asgard, no one dies permanently either. [ So Shinji doesn't have to worry at all ] When someone perishes, the gods bring them back.

[ Well, Shinji did remember Rue telling him that, sort of. But. Kaworu. That doesn't reassure him any bit! Dying is still dying to Shinji.

He's seen what it's like to kill Kaworu. He's not sure he wants to see what it's like if someone else killed the angel when Shinji could have done something. Would he be angry...? Would he be full of grudges that he never knew he was capable of? He wasn't sure and he didn't want to find out.

You may tell Shinji that the first time wasn't his fault/there was nothing Shinji could do all you wanted, but here in Asgard, the idea of harm heading your way when he could do something about it... That frustrates him. You're going to worry Shinji no matter what.

He doesn't mean to raise his voice, but. ]

I thought I said to stop saying things like that! It does matter if something happens to you! I thought you said you cared about them. [about me.] No, I'm not responsible for anyone, but. it doesn't make it ok to just stand by and see this happen and hope for the best or whatever you think I should do.

Someone dying will still always be so vivid in memory, whether you come back soon or not... [ He swears, when he closes his eyes, he could sometimes hear a 'splash' in his head. That sick sound of that splash when that head fell into the sea of LCL where Unit 01 stood. The former pilot swears he smells blood and LCL when he closes his eyes and the scene replays; like his SDAT player repeating and rewinding...

At least Shinji stayed put, there's a kitty in his lap, after all. Sorry for his slight trembling, though, Asariel.]

[ Kaworu looks a bit confused next. He understands Shinji feels responsible for Kaworu, for what he did to him, but the angel already repeated it so many times that Shinji had to feel no responsibility for him. He didn't have to feel any, he didn't have to worry or bother about Kaworu.

He is not important. ]

[ but it registers, eventually. You will have to excuse him, Shinji, but Kaworu never thinks about that possibility; it's not that he is slow, but it's just something he never thinks about.

Reciprocation. That someone may care for him.

What Shinji feels, is it care?

Is that why he worries?

(Allen is the same, but- Shinji isn't Allen, Kaworu doesn't even dream of comparing the two. It's yet another reason why the angel simply didn't think of that possibility.)

Not to mention, the boy never told Kaworu if he cared or not. So Kaworu simply assumes right from the start he doesn't.

The Angel falls silent, before he gets up and walks to the chair, his hand reaching for Shinji's cheek. He caresses it very sweetly, trying to calm the other down. ]

You do what you can and desire. And I will support you, always, Shinji-kun.

Please. Let me do this for you. [ he would lean over and nuzzle Shinji's head, but he fears the other will flee if he does ]

[ ~~If you won't get it or if it'll only take Allen to get it through your head then at least don't say those things around Shinji...~~

Of course it is. He wouldn't be so upset if he didn't care about you. He loves you. (even if he won't say it quite yet...)

His eyes widened and his cheeks flushed. Kaworu will feel a warm cheek when he does this.

Well. At least it did calm him down. (And it's not like he'll flee, Kaworu. There's a kitty in his lap and he doesn't wanna be rude and disturb it!) So he carefully reached and put his own hand atop the other boy's hand.

His eyes narrowed again and he asked, in a tone that was softer than the loud one he had a while ago. ]

You won't be able to promise me you'll make it back, will you?

[ Allen is blunt about his feelings of care for Kaworu. That's why he understood even if he did insist he didn't need them, at first. If Shinji isn't blunt, Kaworu doesn't assume, specially not about this.

Feeling Shinji's hand against his own makes Kaworu smile wider and he does move closer. he is like that; allow him to touch your hand and he will attempt to stroke your arm.

Which he doesn't do, but his other hand does reach for Shinji's other cheek, to gently turn the boy to look into his red eyes. ]

I can't promise that. And Shinji-kun, I can't promise I will be here, forever. But I can promise that, while I'm here, I will be with you and I will always try to make it back.

Because I love you, Shinji-kun.

[ Things that Shinji does or say can be awfully open ended. And people that Shinji will meet will come to know this soon. So it isn't... too unreasonable for Kaworu to not have any idea.

If you truly love someone, you don't feed them lies or empty promises, right? Shinji has yet to feel what it's like to see someone you remotely care about leave Asgard. So the idea of Kaworu not being here while he was... It also left Shinji frowning. (Don't stay so distant with Kaworu, for too long. Or you'll regret it.)

There is silence, but at least there isn't rejection, slapping a hand away, or pulling away. Blue eyes locked with red ones for a second. At least until Shinji closed them, due to a combination of feeling overwhelmed with that gaze and from feeling like he was going to tear up.

Kaworu... He really doesn't like this. You going through with this. He also doesn't like that there's nothing he can do but let you. He's already had one unforgettable sacrifice made in his name (well. the rest of mankind, but Shinji was a part of that.) and he wasn't sure he was ready to deal with another.

But perhaps one (probably) selfish favor... ]

Can I come see you the moment you return? [ To have a reassurance you're in one piece. ]

Always. [ Kaworu smiles so sweetly and it's because the other avoided his gaze that he doesn't lean in and hug the boy. ]

Thank you, Shinji.

[ there is so much Kaworu has to thank Shinji for, but this time he his thanking him for caring, even if Kaworu told him it wasn't necessary, even if Shinji didn't have to feel anything for the angel because he loves him nonetheless. ]

[ "Always". Shinji wasn't sure if that meant he would always be allowed to do so or if he was always welcome here. Was that double meaning intentional, Kaworu?

Well. At least he will be able to march on here, should Kaworu go out there and return. That gives him some peace of mind. But it still worried him. What if Kaworu didn't return like the rest...?

For that reason, there was still no smile from Shinji; even though the "Always" was so reassuring.

Again, a "thank you".

Shinji almost squirmed in his seat at that. He didn't understand the thanks. He really didn't. ]

It's really all I can do...

[ What else can Shinji do, really? At least, he still has yet to figure that out. He knows he wants to protect Kaworu, now. But how...? ]

[ it's both, Shinji. Clearly both.

And it was alright if Shinji didn't get it, really. Because what was important was that Shinji was there and knew he could come to Kaworu any time he wanted because the angel would be there as well.

At those words, Kaworu smiles but he doesn't add anything else regarding that ]

Shinji-kun, would you like more cake?

[ You'll need to pardon Shinji. He sat there for a moment wondering if there was more to be said. He's come up with nothing.

And then.

A nod and a smile of his own at the offer. Perhaps because this cake was the only thing he had to eat, today, but...]

Mm. If it's all right.

It's really good, Kaworu. I don't know if my cooking will top this, at all.

[ He promise he'd cook for you, before, didn't he...? He'll be sure to prepare a bento for you next time he's here. Especially as thanks for the cake and tea...]

I don't know how to do much else, though.

[ But - ]

Thank you, Shinji-kun. Whenever you want more, please don't hesitate to ask. i often bake cakes. [ but only cakes.

Kaworu cuts another slice and offers it to Shinji ]

Tell me, what have you been doing lately? In Asgard.

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