asgardmeridiem | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Caterina and Maria
What: BFF SHOPPING TIME hell yes
When: Day 292
Where: ALL THE GOOD SHOPS
Rating: PG-13 because this is Caterina and they're going lingerie shopping.

[With the whole confusion and mistaking certain people for sworn enemies thing out of the way, Caterina has taken it upon herself to be besties with the wife of the grandmaster. Because seriously she has a radar for badass ladies and Maria just screams total badass.

Also clothes.

So in the morning she brightly dumps the running of the shop onto Ezio and Alastair and whoever else is there and takes Maria almost a little forcefully and drags her out to go shopping.

Because shopping.

Start with the basics. They stand outside a lingerie store.]

Ah, here we are!

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...are you making sport of me?

[Maria, on the other hand, is staring in disbelief because the tiny scraps of lace and ribbon that she sees in the shop could not be called any sort of clothes.]

Where are the chemises? And the braes? Surely you cannot be serious.

Forget them. Put them out of your mind. Amica mia, you are in a new time, and they have done wonderful things.

[Come on we're going in now whether you like it or not.]

[Oh. Oh merciful God or those frankly unfunny charlatans who left behind that accursed Apple, save her now. Deliver her from satin.]

But where are the clothes? What is that?

[She sounds somewhat scandalised as she happens to feast her eyes upon a very tiny, sheer red thong.]

I would not oil my bracers with a rag that flimsy.

[She lets out a huge sigh and rolls her eyes.]

I promise you, it is far more comfortable and allows for far greater movement.

[Skepticism. It is written all over Maria's face.]

Yes but... what is it?

[She gestures to the bras.]

The ones for the breasts are called "brassieres" or "bras," and the ones below are called "panties."

[LINGERIE 101 WITH CATERINA SFORZA]

And the ones which are two triangles and a couple of pieces of string?

[You cannot tell her those are anything practical Caterina. She will not believe you.]

[The look on her face could be described as "positively evil."]

"Thongs."

[But she laughs and the look goes away.]

But we won't make you wear those until you're quite ready for them. Andiamo, you must enter this brave new world sometime.

Thongs?

[The tone of her voice and the look on her face are mutually incredulous.]

Those are most certainly not thongs, now I know you are making fun of me.

[This little outing is beginning to unnerve her; she's not the frills and lace sort by any stretch of the imagination and certainly not when the proposed frills and lace are in such sparse quantity.]

[She rolls her eyes.]

As I said, you do not have to worry about them just yet.

[Her look gets rather stern.]

But you will have to accept change, and sooner is better than later, when the clothes you are comfortable with are no longer sufficient.

I think I have accepted rather a lot of change lately.

[She doesn't mean for her tone to be sharp in response; after all, the other woman is doing her a kindness and she is being rather churlish, but this is taking a huge step out of her comfort zone and she's really not sure what to make of all these things.

But then again, it is rather ridiculous to think that she, a seasoned warrior and denizen of Masyaf, should be so intimidated by bizarre looking scraps of pastel coloured lace.

She relents with a small sigh.]

May I at least be allowed to veto some things?

[She raises her eyebrows and nods.]

You may.

But please remember that I do have your best interests in mind.

I do, and I appreciate your kindness in this Caterina.

[She ventures towards the door, hesitating before she makes a move to open it.]

I have not been sleeping well since I arrived here, I fear it is making my temper fray somewhat.

[She considers Maria for a moment before following her inside.]

You said you have a son?

[Maria was not expecting Caterina to hit the nail on the head so quickly and nods her head once.]

I do.

[She does not want to admit weakness, her soldier's instincts still very much intact, but right now her pain stems from a wound not inflicted by any sword.]

I wake every night looking for him before I remember where I am. It is like torture.

[She nods.]

You learn to... become accustomed to it. But it never goes away.

[She had been afraid that would be the case. But she recognises understanding in the other woman's eyes and immediately she feels a pang of sympathy.]

You have children too?

[A smile flickers on her face.]

Eight of them. Though most are grown now, and... my time at home has come to an end.

[She says it as casually as she can, but it's hard to when you're talking about your own death.]

[Suddenly Maria's hardships do not seem all that hard. She looks at her with a look of surprise and sadness, struggling to find something to say to convey her sympathies.

She has been told of this place's ability to bring the dead to life, as it seems, she just did not expect to meet one such soul so soon.

For someone who has suffered so much, Caterina seems to be trying to keep a brave face on things, and Maria will not mire them in misery if Caterina herself chooses not to make herself a martyr.]

Well.

[It is hard to try and bring levity back to the proceedings, but she is going to try, and tentatively she puts her hand on the other woman's arm.]

On the bright side... you now get to threaten unsuspecting matrons with the promise of intimidating lace.

[...oh that was truly terrible.]

I am sorry, Caterina.

[She laughs.]

E vero, that is certainly a benefit.

[But she softens.]

You do not have to be sorry, Maria. I am at peace with it. There was nothing to be done.

I suppose we all have must have our time.

[It just seems a crying shame that this woman, who Maria does not know too well yet but has already struck her as having remarkable vivacity and spirit, should have been robbed from the world so soon.]

I must say, you and Ezio must have wasted no time to have managed eight children.

Edited 2013-07-09 03:57 (UTC)

[She snorts.

She claps a hand over her mouth and lets out a short laugh.

And then she is doubled over laughing so hard she's crying.

Oh. Oh god that's just. She's gotten the wife comments before and they've always been funny but this?

This is by far the funniest thing anyone has ever said bar none.]

[And Maria is just going to stand there looking astonished.

What.

What did she say.

Oh no, she's crying, why is she crying? Was it something she said? Is this delayed sadness over their previous conversation?

...she's not going to have to slap her is she?]

Caterina...?

[Give her...

...give her a minute...

...okay maybe a couple of minutes.

Okay.

Okay she's good. She's... she's good. She takes a few deep breaths and wipes her eyes, shaking her head slightly.]

Ah... no, Ezio is not my husband, and none of the children are his.

[Maria for her part goes scarlet, bringing her hand to her mouth in absolute mortification.]

I am so sorry, I just assumed you two were- I should not have presumed-

[Oh god Altaïr's going to have a field day with this when he finds out.]

I am such a clod.