In this twilight, how dare you speak of grace

[freezerburned]

Who: Isaac and Jackson || Isaac and Derek || Isaac and Sophie
What: Isaac's three modes are: fighting, realtalks, and crying. So. Isaac stirs up a lot of shit everywhere because he's Isaac. Brawling with Jackson, talking about heavy stuff in the future with Derek, and most likely just breaking down on Sophie. Good times.
When: 293 || 294 || evening of 294
Where: On the streets || Derek's place in Thor || Sophie's place
Rating: PG-15 or so? Fighting and talk of death

Three threads in one post so it doesn't get spammy. :)

Comments

[freezerburned]

[He nods quietly.]

And Scott, but... that was yesterday.

[hollowchild]

[she nods]

I'm not going to ask what he told you. You can say or not say whatever you want.

[the fact that it's bad is so stunningly obvious that she doesn't bother to say it. she just keeps watching him, still and close but not touching. he came to her, she'll wait.]

[freezerburned]

[Isaac nods and just. Lays back on her couch for a moment, staring flatly almost numbly toward the table in front of him. Still processing everything. It's going to be awhile, before he talks.]

[hollowchild]

[other than turning her head so that she's still looking at isaac, sophie doesn't really move. she doesn't stare or fidget or seem impatient, she just waits like it's only a momentary lull in conversation, even when it stretches out to lengths that ought to be uncomfortable]

[freezerburned]

[Isaac just focuses on his breathing for a long few moments, listening to the sounds of the people outside the apartment, the footsteps moving past them in the hallway.

Finally, he speaks and it's quiet, but- flat, rather than emotional.]

...Erica is dead. Derek betrays me, Scott tries to kill himself. I'm trapped. I'm trapped and I'm powerless to do anything to stop it or protect the only people I care about.

[It's gone through him, left him numb. He can still hear that voice, his own voice yelling at him, his own hands on his shoulder, shoving, his own eyes, narrowed in rage. He can still hear Derek's voice, and Scott's. He can see Erica, staring at him with concern, and it's just too much to handle, so he goes quiet, numb, tries to talk about it like it's something happening to someone else.]

That's it.

[hollowchild]

[sophie's expression doesn't change while she listens to isaac's litany of how his future has gone horribly, horribly wrong, even though he's not looking at her. there's really nothing to say. his friend is dead, his leader betrayed him and isaac is back to feeling powerless, to being powerless. there's nothing that can make any of that better.

when he's finished, she reaches out, slowly, moves her fingers through his hair like she's tucking a curl behind his ear. it's too short for that, of course, but that's really not the point of the gesture. the backs of her fingers just brush over his cheekbone as she lets her hand fall away. it comes to rest next to his thigh, not quite touching. it's an invitation.]

[freezerburned]

[Isaac doesn't move at the touch, almost as if he doesn't acknowledge it at all, and he swallows hard, before looking down toward his fingers, running them over the bandages.]

You know... Derek gave me a choice.

[His voice is still calm, almost eerily so.]

When he found me. He told me there were hunters, that it wasn't easy. I understood that. And I- I just wanted... [Isaac's voice cracks, just barely, and he lifts a hand up to his face.] ...I just wanted to not be locked in the freezer anymore. [There's a deep, hitching breath, and his fingers tighten a little, shoulders trembling.]

I was so- I was so stupid. To think that the worst thing you could be is trapped.

[hollowchild]

You weren't. It was the worst thing you knew.

[she shifts, then, turning to the side and folding her legs in front of her so that she's no longer sitting behind the barrier of her shin. even though she's leaning closer, she still doesn't touch him except where her knees brush his thigh]

The choice Derek offered you wasn't much of a choice. Stay in a horrible situation, or get stronger. How could you have possibly understood what he meant, saying it wouldn't be easy?

[freezerburned]

[There's a small pause, and Isaac nods, the movement just a quick tilt of his chin. He still can't look at her.

He breathes in deep through his nose, tries to keep it from running a little, to take control of his emotions and reign them back in, but now that he's started thinking about it, talking about it, how can he stop?]

I had nobody. I was nobody. If I had died in that house, who do you think would have cared?

[Isaac swallows hard, fingers tightening around each other.]

I don't know if I made the right choice. I don't know if I could have said no. I just know that as soon as I changed, everyone started dying around me. You know what that feels like, don't you?

[hollowchild]

[these aren't questions she can answer. sophie isn't actually a part of isaac's life, not his real life, the one he's worried about. it's not as though she can say that she would have cared if he had died, though she would certainly care now. so she reaches into her pocket and offers him a handkerchief, holding it out close to his hand]

I have some idea. I'll tell you the story about why the Devil chases me, sometime.

And if you hadn't, would no one have died, or would they simply not have been around you?

[freezerburned]

I don't know.

[He lets out a deep breath, trying to get a grip on his emotions. It works a little, he no longer feels quite so desperate, but the helplessness is something that never really goes away.

Nevertheless, Isaac takes her handkerchief, pressing it against his face for a moment as he breathes in deep through his nose.]

I can't change what I've done. And- knowing what's going to happen won't do anything, since I'm just going to forget about it anyway.

[hollowchild]

Mm. It's true. There's nothing any of us can do to change our own futures. All we can do is live, here, while we can. You haven't lost Erica yet, this Derek hasn't betrayed you.

[freezerburned]

But I will. He's going to.

[Isaac shakes his head.]

How do I look them in the eye with that knowledge?

[hollowchild]

[she's quiet for a long moment, trying to think of an answer. sophie's very aware that she's going to lose every single person she knows in asgard, that she'll likely return home only to die. it's just part of her reality.]

They aren't those people yet any more than you're that other Isaac. I mean, I'm probably going to die. You saw as much. But I'm quite alive at the moment, and Erica is just as alive as I am.

[freezerburned]

[Isaac shakes his head, his jaw set tight.]

You don't know that. Besides, your death isn't my fault. What if I already did something that caused it? What if- what if I could have convinced her to stay?

[hollowchild]

[she knows what she did to herself. but she'd misled him, after the nightmare, about how bad it was. and it's really not the point.]

And what if you couldn't? If she decided to leave I doubt very much that you were the cause of that.

You didn't kill her, Isaac, and I doubt very much you simply allowed her to die. Why are you trying to take responsibility for it?

[freezerburned]

Because she's my friend.

[Isaac moves to stand in a rush, his hands bunched into fists.]

You could walk out in traffic and get bit by a bus and that would be your fault. But if I stood there and let you do it, what kind of packmate does that make me?

[hollowchild]

And what if you tried to dissuade her and she left anyway? He didn't tell you what happened, did he?

[she sighs and runs her hands through her hair]

You didn't kill her, Isaac. She's your friend, and she will die, and that's completely unfair and awful and something that you shouldn't know. But you know, and you can't unknow it, and I'm sorry.

All the same, she's not dead here and now. She hasn't even been bitten yet. And she deserves better than to be mourned while she's in front of you.

[freezerburned]

I don't- I don't want to hear this right now.

[It's not helping, it's just making him more frustrated- and the last thing he wants to do is fight with her.]

Just forget it.

[hollowchild]

Mm. I'm sorry.

[for not helping, she means, and she does sound genuinely sorry about that. it's literally her nature to be adaptable, to take what life throws at her and keep going. so she just goes quiet, leaning sideways to rest her shoulder and head against the back of the couch. ]

[freezerburned]

[And Isaac just takes a deep breath and lets her relax, shaking his head a little before moving to stand- the motion is sudden, like he suddenly can't take sitting on that couch for a second longer.]

I'm starving.

[hollowchild]

There's lasagna and garlic bread for dinner.

[she unfolds herself from the couch and heads for the kitchen. lasagna and bread are both staying warm in the oven, and when she takes them out it's obvious there's way more than two people could eat--she was cooking for leftovers, so isaac isn't putting anyone out at all by having some. she uses a blade of shadow to cut the lasagna, which changes into a spatula to scoop it out. there's veggies in there, as well as ground meat and a generous amount of cheese. after adding a slice of bread she hands the plate to isaac]

We usually eat on the couch or the floor, sorry. No table.

[freezerburned]

That's fine, I'm used to it.

[He lives in those dinky little Hel rooms still, there's not much room for anything there.]

-thanks. I'll bring over some stuff later to make up for it.

[hollowchild]

[there are pillows, cushions and blankets, as well as a beanbag chair on the floor if he's not feeling the couch. sophie and connor are apparently nesters.]

You're welcome. Mm, you don't need to, but if you'd like to.

[she takes a bit of food for herself, although not very much, and sits down on a cushion, her back against the couch]

[freezerburned]

[When Isaac has served himself up some, he moves to sit on the beanbag chair, taking a curious bite of it, before nodding.]

I just want to stop thinking about things for awhile.