Reunion [Closed]

[imhome]

Who: Johan (uglyinside) and Nina (imhome)
What: Johan promised Nina they would meet in three days, and the evening of the third day has arrived.
When: Evening of Day 66
Where: Nina's Room (Room 307) in the Heimdall House
Rating: PG-13



[Since her conversation with Diva, Nina's been researching the network more and found many troubling things. She saw Diva happily talk about death, Johan's suspiciously polite comments, a conversation about The God of Peace between Lucifer and an anonymous poster, and a terrifying anonymous message. ("Munch munch. Chomp chomp. Gobble gobble.")

She let her hope overwhelm her when she arrived (and she knows she's still walking on delicate territory), but she has to be more cautious now.

In the past three days since her arrival, Nina's avoided going to her room as much as she could and instead explored the city, out of curiosity and because Johan told her that he would come to her. If possible, she didn't want him finding out where she was staying.

However, Nina noticed with disappointment and worry that it's been almost three days since she spoke with Johan, and she hasn't seen him at all. She wonders if he told her they could meet as a way to appease her and end their conversation.

Oh well... it was getting late, and she was tired from being out all day. She would get some sleep, and tomorrow morning, she would call him and try to find out what happened.

When she arrives at her room, she unlocks the door, opens it, and enters.]

Comments

[uglyinside]

[ He mouths the words to himself. "I'm so happy", as if he needs to feel they've come from himself, too, to register and comprehend. He understands it's the happiness that is borne from misery, rather than joy. A relief of a burden, rather than a blessing. He squeezes her hands lightly, finding his own vision blur once more (how could it not? He had to feel what she felt). ]

Do you hate me? Does any part of you ... [ He considers slipping his hands out from beneath hers to cup her chin, or to wipe at her tears.

He stays still. The impulse isn't strong enough if it's not packed with an ulterior motive. ]

-- Hate me?

[imhome]

[Simply a year ago, the answer would've been yes. She had been so angry, so bitter at him (at herself too) that it seemed like she couldn't focus on anything else.

Now, she has so many conflicting emotions and thoughts about Johan. She feels guilty, afraid, hopeful, optimistic, skeptical, and cautious all at once. And, when she's feeling helpless and exhausted, she remembers what he's done and can't help but resent him. A part of her doubts her forgiveness is absolute (how could it be?), but she pushes the questioning thoughts out of her mind.

But, no, she doesn't hate him. After everything they've been through (and all the memories she recalled), she doesn't think she can anymore.]

No.

[Saying that doesn't seem enough. She wants to reassure him that she has no hatred, that she believes in his ability to change.]

I love you.

[Nina didn't think anything could be more difficult than telling Johan she forgave him, but this was.

She does care about her brother. It's the truth, but it still fills her with a strong sense of guilt.]

[uglyinside]

[ He feels there should be no surprise at such an admission -- a correction. An affirmation. For so long, he had seen everything they shared and felt as a connection, that the word hadn't even entered his mind. It wasn't something he thought he desired with her.

Although one of them certainly was the unwanted, unneeded child, he knew he wanted his sister. He knew he needed her.

Did she want him as he had wanted her? Did she need him?

The three words she has just given him make him feel as if every foundation that was keeping his body together crumble. It's a distant sound, loud and crashing and all within, though so far away.

He'd been able to act out touches with others for so long.

With her, he seemed to be at a loss. His hand finally reaches forward, turning over slightly, as he presses a knuckle against her cheek to intercept the trail of a tear. It's a light graze, and he feels as if he's watching himself do it rather than experiencing it. ]

[imhome]

[She looks up at that, almost a little surprised.]

Johan?

[uglyinside]

I never told you. [ His hand drops, only to push a few strands of her hair back over her shoulder. ] What I do feel.

[imhome]

[She looks at him in expectation. Her face is still wet with tears, but she's stopped crying and has started regaining her composure.]

[uglyinside]

The lives I've taken. [ His fingers brush through her hair before he retracts his hand, trailing it down to where she was wounded when escaping the Red Rose Mansion -- where he thought his would had been. ] Those many lives. [ His fingers caress, gently, before his hand clasps over the area. ] I do not feel for the lives I've taken. I cannot feel. [ He's not sure when he stopped. ]

But your life. I want you to live. [ His gaze falls from her eyes, to her arm. ] Without experiencing what I've done again. Let it all be a dream. You can wake up.

[imhome]

[Nina's a little perplexed at his words.

A dream? She can wake up?

She remembers their last meeting, when they both realized that his memories at the Rose Red Mansion were not his own. It felt like she had awakened from a devastating dream then.

Her gaze falls to his hand on her arm.]

What do you mean?

[uglyinside]

The monster won't hurt you anymore. [ He says it quietly. ]

[imhome]

[The finality of what he said worries her. She looks at him again, trying to meet his gaze.]

What are you planning?

[Was she being paranoid? Did he simply mean that he wants to change?]

[uglyinside]

[ He simply shakes his head at that her question, though it's more reassuring than evasive. ]

[imhome]

[The gesture does alleviate her concern.

She looks at him, the small beginnings of a smile forming.]

Thank you. I know it'll be difficult, but I'll be here to help you.

[She takes a moment to breath in and out and wipe the drying tears from her face. There's a pause before Nina sounds a little more solemn.]

I... there are a few questions I have.

[uglyinside]

[ Again, she's met with silence, though it's a welcoming bout. He looks at her attentively. ]

[imhome]

[She glances at his feet, thinking about her conversation with Diva and remembering what she saw between him and Claire on the network.

Suddenly the anonymous message she received when she arrived made more sense.]

What happened to your foot?

[uglyinside]

[ It was befitting how clever his sister was, and how quick she was to research. He was almost certain that she already knew, with their connection. Still, he answers without a beat. ]

I suffered a minor assault. [ He follows her gaze. ] It was in response to a misunderstanding.

[imhome]

[Nina doesn't feel convinced.]

What misunderstanding?

[uglyinside]

I dressed as you. [ He says this without shame, explaining the story with ease. ] To simply feel connected -- we are one and the same. A man here by the name of Kaz had a rather rude idea of trying to get to know me. [ He pauses. How does he explain how unpredictably violent Claire is? ] Ah, I was ready to defend myself, when we were interrupted by a man that you may have spoken with on the networks. His name is Claire. [ He was aware this story seemed no less strange or confusing than any of his actions did to her, though he still feels the need to pause if she needs clarification. Of course, he's selectively omitting plenty. ]

[imhome]

[His explanation did perplex her, but she tries her best to listen and understand.]

And why would Claire try to hurt you?

[uglyinside]

He's a very violent man. He comes from a violent profession, even. [ It was best to try and steer her away from him as quickly as possible, with what he had said to him. He wouldn't forget those words. ] He doesn't trust me.

[imhome]

[Nina tries to reconcile Claire's politeness with this new information. It doesn't surprise her that much, though. She knew as well as anyone how appearances could be deceiving.]

What's his profession? And why doesn't he trust you?

[Did Johan do something to cause the distrust?]

[uglyinside]

... [ It becomes apparent what she's truly trying to dig out. Not that it wasn't before. ] You're wondering if I've hurt anybody here.

[imhome]

[Hearing Johan's words stings her a little with guilt, but she needs to be resolute. Caring about Johan and caring about others were never mutually exclusive for Nina.]

I want to know that too, yes. But I also want to know more about Claire. [She's seen a few concerning things on the network, but she wants to learn what Johan knows.]

Is he simply a violent person?

[uglyinside]

[ He looks down at the wig, his eyes still stinging from earlier, and begins to idly twist the strands of hair attached to it, head bowed as he speaks. ] He is. Please, watch out around him. [ He'll wait to see if she restates her other question of his harming others. ]

[imhome]

[Johan's expression causes Nina to lower her guard a little. He looks so vulnerable again. She says gently:]

Diva helped take care of your injury, isn't that right? [Despite her own concerns of what she learned about Diva, Nina's grateful that she helped Johan, that he wasn't alone in pain.] I'm glad you're all right.

[uglyinside]

You must be tired. [ It was not as if he had expected everything to return to normalcy with his sister. They never really had it. Since their last encounter at home, he knew that he'd gone too far. There wasn't anything he could return to, or any life he could truly rebuild. There wasn't any way he could spend his life with his other self, and so he'd walk through it, incomplete. The thought heralds the return of a distant anger and a far away helplessness, which he steels from his countenance. ]

You should sleep.