[closed] and we'll talk like this was the toughest love.

[whatagoodgirl]

Who: Nakama and Roxas.
What: Puppies! And discussion.
When: Day 137
Where: Heimdall --> Sigyn 104
Rating: Guessing PG-13 in case talk of the darkness comes up, will adjust if things get any worse.


[Nakama's looking a little bit better than the last time she saw Roxas, but not much - she's visibly losing weight from her already whip-thin frame, and her skin is pallid and pale. She's done her best to hide that, though, wearing her hair down to frame her hollow cheeks and dressing in loose clothing.

She jogs up to Heimdall's front steps, then sits down heavily, gasping for breath; just a few days away from training and without much solid food and she's feeling so weak. She didn't want to be late, though, so she had to hurry. Shading her eyes against the sun, which already feels foreign after so much rain, she keeps a lookout for Roxas.]

Comments

[whatagoodgirl]

So do you want t -

[She looks up from Coco and immediately blushes at the way Roxas is staring at her.]

Wh-what? [A nervous little laugh.]

[faints]

...? Hmm? [ He doesn't even realize it; but her blush prompts a small rosy one of his own even if he still looks a little distracted ]

[whatagoodgirl]

[She tilts her head at him, watching him watch her while looking a million miles away, and eventually decides that Roxas smiling is good enough. Even if the stare makes her squirm a little, she can put up with that. She even smiles in return, more brilliantly than she has in days.]

Did you want to feed one? Daichi's the biggest one, you might want to start on him if you're worried about how small they are.

[faints]

--Really? It's okay? [ He still feels the need to check; she's obviously much more experienced with animals than him--he doesn't want to make a mistake despite how simple it really looks. ]

[whatagoodgirl]

I promise. [Her grin warms.] I learned it in no time, you should be fine. Just lift him up like I did and cradle him on your chest, then dip your finger in the formula and let him suckle.

[faints]

Can...you show me how to pick him up again? [ he just wants to be careful here, and honestly he was a bit more focused on the puppy than how Nakama held it when she picked it up the first time ]

[whatagoodgirl]

Sure, of course. [She picks Coco up, ignoring his whines of protest for now, and sets him down in the box. Then she scoops one hand under his bottom, balancing the other against his tummy, and tucks him into the crook of her arm.]

Got it?

[faints]

[ It's kind of like picking a baby up--even if he has no specific memories of doing anything of the sort, that's the kind of feeling and understanding he gets from the situation. He'll look back to the remaining two for the bigger of the pair, glancing back once at Nakama ]

What's his name again?

[whatagoodgirl]

Daichi. This is Coco, and she [Indicating the final puppy with a nod of her head] might wait until she gets an owner to be named.

Don't worry, though... he's far from old enough to understand his name or any commands or anything. You can just say any nonsense to soothe him as long as it's in a soft voice.

[faints]

Right... Okay, come here Daichi... [ oh goodness, he can do this. HE CAN DO THIS. He just needs to carefully scoop him up like Nakama showed him. Place a hand under his belly, one under his bottom and...tada! Puppy in his arms, and possible the stupidest smile on his face ever ]

[whatagoodgirl]

[Nakama watches this whole procedure carefully, and when he beams at having done it right, she lets out a little giggle.]

[faints]

He's so tiny.... [ Even if he's the biggest of the bunch, he feels like the smallest thing in the entire world right now ]

[whatagoodgirl]

[He's also wriggling in Roxas's arms, trying to get to his fingers. He knows full well that it's feeding time.]

I know... I've never seen puppies at this age before now. They're so dependent on you for everything - like babies, I guess. It's really fulfilling, taking care of them.

[She grins down at Coco, wiggling a finger in front of his face and watching his little paws come up to try and catch it for more delicious formula.]

[faints]

[ Oh goodness baby, be patient he's still getting used to this ;; He'll reach over to dip his finger in the formula like Nakama, bringing it back to the tiny thing tentatively. ]

Fulfilling...I guess so, yeah. [ His expression brightens ]


...Do you remember anything from when you were little, Nakama?

[whatagoodgirl]

[It's such a relief to see him looking like himself again. She'd been hoping the puppies would have a bit of a healing effect on him too, even if it only lasted while he was at the house, and it seems to be working.]

Hm? Yeah, I guess. From about... maybe three or four years old on, not when I was a really young baby or anything. Why do you ask?

[faints]

Just curious... What kind of things do you remeb-- [ Oh, give him a second here ;u; Daichi's suckling ]

It tickles, haha.

[whatagoodgirl]

[She giggles again, watching with a warm smile.] Yeah, luckily they've got no teeth yet. It feels funny, doesn't it?

[She lets the partially-spoken question pass, hoping it won't come up again. Most of her early memories are as unpleasant as her later ones, only somehow worse because they came with the confusion of not knowing why everyone seemed to hate her mother so much.]

[faints]

Mmm... It's neat. [ he also doesn't want to pull his finger back, but it's all out of formula so he needs to dab his finger in it again puppy ;u; ]

[whatagoodgirl]

[She doesn't want to break this peace, this pure happiness that they've had so little of lately, but she's got Karu's words ringing in her ears: you have to tell him. Every time she makes one decision, the other seems better. What should she do?

She sets Coco down once he's all fed and picks up the unnamed girl for her feeding. There's still a softness about her features as she holds the puppy, but now it's somehow shadowed. Her gaze lifts to Roxas, and she feels a painful twist in her heart - she likes him so much. How can she admit that she broke a promise?]

[faints]

[ He's pretty oblivious until he chances a glance upward from Daichi to seek out her approval. Instead he's met with the expression she wears and his own turns to confusion and concern. He knows that look--she's troubled by something and isn't sure how to say it. He's seen it on her and a lot of other people recently...probably even worn it himself at one time or another. ]

Nakama....?

[whatagoodgirl]

There's something I have to tell you. [She blurts it out before she can stop herself, all the words pouring out in a rush.] I won't blame you for being mad at me, or even for not trusting me anymore, but I think it's right to tell you right away instead of having you find out some other way.

[faints]

Being mad at you....? [ His stomach drops a bit ]

Why would a be mad at you? What is it?

[whatagoodgirl]

... remember the night I came back, when the one thing you asked me to do was to stay in from then on?

I went back out and fought that night, and all through the next day. I can't explain it except that I didn't want anyone else to feel what I felt after that Taken stabbed me. Just healing wasn't enough anymore... I had to stop them completely, because they weren't leaving anything to heal. They were killing, so I had to kill.

[She lowers her head, expecting and waiting for the worst.] That's why I've been so sick. I... I can't kill, Roxas. You were right, I should have stayed inside.

[faints]

[ he's...not even sure how to take that. Surprise and hurt are obvious emotions, but then guilt comes in and he feels sick to his stomach when she mentions the following days. The hardest ones, where he'd found and Access and he...

Roxas quickly fists one hand at his side, looking downward ]

[whatagoodgirl]

I'm sorry. [Her voice is thick and choked, with the slightest frantic edge.] I know it's not enough, but I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...