[closed] the only road I've ever been down

[likethelight]

Who: Allen Walker and Kaworu Nagisa
What: fruition of this. jesusy exorcists and angels meeting. and pastries. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG.
When: day 165
Where: Bakery near Sigyn hall
Rating: PG-PG-13?


[The bakery he'd mentioned was a short distance from the Sigyn hall; just a small sort of shop, really. Easy enough to find, though. ...The white-haired boy in a black and red uniform with the scarred face and a golden golem on his shoulder waiting outside helps in terms of being recognizable, though. Leaned up against the wall with a brown paper sack in white gloved (always gloved) hands.

...And a long black cloak with a hood pulled up that mostly keeps him dry. Though he does try not to sigh about or pull too sour a face at it; he really hadn't been counting on it raining this day after he'd had to put it off so long (honestly, he felt really bad about it)...

His luck...

But the golem flicks its wings after for a moment, snapping the rainwater out of them and peering its head (body?) closer to Allen's.] ... Mm.

[Idly petting it a little and letting his eyes close.] I know, Tim.

[—funny, you'd think it (him?) had... spoken to him.

It's alright. Nothing to do about it now.

So they were just waiting for Kaworu. Slightly melancholic despite having warm scones so close at hand, but that's more for feeling guilty about the last few days and postponing.

...But he'd made sure to try and get here early, after all, so he could pour on all his charm and score some of the day's extra pastries on the house. Occasionally he knows how charming he can be. Occasionally.]

Comments

2/2

[likethelight]

People, I suppose.

People you want to return to, and who will say "welcome back" when you do.

[5thchild]

[ aha, that's why Kaworu doesn't really have a home, he guesses. ] I see.

Here, do you have that sort of people?

[likethelight]

...

[Link's with him now, but it's different with Link. As friendly as Allen is with just about everyone, as much as it doesn't mean he doesn't care any less for any of them or would go out of his way for them, jump through fire to save any of them... It's different, forming those sorts of bonds.

Honestly, Kaworu's probably the person he feels closest to. Even if that's probably weird. (He'd admit it's a little strange.)

So he hesitates for a second, but...]

They went home.

[5thchild]

Would you rather if they were here?

[likethelight]

No, I don't think so.

[Smiling, like he's certain and the answer is easy, or at least one he's okay with.]

Like I said, I know they wouldn't want to be here.

[5thchild]

[ he nods softly ] I hope you will be able to find home here.

[likethelight]

[... that's bittersweet because it's troubling. (Itchy; he'll always be itchy and feel like something's missing without the akuma. Like another half of himself to fight for.)

Is it okay to belong somewhere when you know you belong elsewhere, too? Being half a person sometimes without that.

(It's hard not to want it too, though. And it's impossible to turn away from what's in front of him right now, too.)

But he smiles and lifts his chin a little.] I hope you find one too.

[5thchild]

[ kaworu shakes his head. Like he has told Allen before, he is fine without any form of love towards himself; he doesn't need to be loved. Not like Humans do. ]

I'm okay with how things are.

[likethelight]

[The answer doesn't surprise him, not anymore, and he's about to just smile and brush past; say he'll believe and hope for that anyway.

But he pauses for a second, thoughtful. All that, adding up...] Kaworu—

What is it you do want?

[5thchild]

[ kaworu smiles softly and he doesn't even take time to think about it ] That Shinji will be happy.

[likethelight]

And after that?

[5thchild]

Nothing else. [ Kaworu keeps his smile ]

I hope that Lilim will be able to heal and be happy. I hope they won't hurt anymore. But Shinji to be happy is all I really want. [ and what he is trying to achieve, even if Shinji sort of hates him. ]

[likethelight]

[Even putting all that together... he hesitates for a second, not sure he can even understand that. For everything to be about just one person like that. Or what kind of relationship that could be.

Really, it makes him wonder what kind of person Shinji must be.]

He's lucky. [But even though he says it genuinely, it's more for trying to find something to say to that.

Mostly because it somehow feels a little sad to him, too.]

[5thchild]

[ it's thank to Shinji he started loving Humanity and didn't kill everyone. You all should love Shinji, honestly ]

I wish he could understand that. [ no, kaworu didn't assume Shinji is lucky for having Kaworu loving him like that. For Kaworu, Shinji is lucky for a lot of things that Shinji doesn't realize himself. ]

[likethelight]

[Another slightly uncertain look, considering, but he leaves it be.

It sounds a personal, if curious sort of thing. But even if he can't understand that exactly, he can understand those sorts of deep convictions.]

Have you thought about what you want to do while you're here then? [It's not quite the same question.]

[5thchild]

Shinji is here. [ however, he does understand what Allen mean ]

I am trying to learn more about you [ you as in "lilim"].

[likethelight]

[Kaworu, when even Allen has to pause and wonder if that isn't the most healthy of relationships, something is definitely up. He's pretty dysfunctional with unhealthy ideals of certain people, too. Look at his multiple daddy issues with fathers that kind of did horrible things to him and/or were questionably sane. He's basically carrying one of them around in his eye because the person he loved most cut his face up and cursed him. And he still loves and follows him unquestionably anyway.

But.]

About people, you mean. [Just clarifying.]

[5thchild]

[ He made Shinji kill him after he said he loved him. Want to talk about dysfunctional? ]

Yes, about people.

[likethelight]

[That's kind of the point, sob.]

Have you thought about helping at the hospital? [He mentioned healing. Granted, not in that context, but—]

You'd probably like it. There are a lot of different people coming and going.

[5thchild]

I don't think I- [ there is a pause. It's. a bit difficult to explain it. ]

I hold a neutral position. It's true that I love you, however, I cannot take a side in battles between yourselves.

[ in a sense, all of them are part of Lilim. Humans. Gods. Giants. Kaworu loves them all. As a whole. He does not actually care for each individually.

So he chooses to have a neutral position and not heal any of them. He might be curious about them, but it doesn't mean he has to take his time healing them individually.

It's complicated having no notion of individuality and healing individuals he has little to no relation to. ]

The only reason i did was because Shinji did and I'm afraid he will get hurt.

[likethelight]

[It's—not quite the answer he expected, certainly. So he pauses, unsure if he should be contrary.

It's not an uncommon belief after all. In fact, he can't blame people for not wanting to help outright, too. And even back home with his comrades, he didn't expect them to believe in or do what he did. Saving anyone he could.

Still.]

Just helping the injured doesn't have to be picking sides. [He doesn't want to do that, either.]

[5thchild]

I don't know. Shouldn't I do the same for the giants, then?

[likethelight]

I would. [Not missing a beat.] If I could and one of them needed it.

[He'd feel uncertain, certainly, but he can't not try to save someone. Not unless he had to literally make the choice right then and there between them and someone they were trying to kill. And even then he'd try to save both, if stopping one. They're still basically human as far as he knows. Anyone he fights he does so to help them. If he has to fight someone without the possibility of saving them in the process...

He'll hate it. He'll only do it to protect allies and innocents. Right then and there of the moment.

He's no good at wars between people, really.]

[5thchild]

[ kaworu smiles ]

You are very kind. [ he still holds the position it's simpler for him not to help anyone at all. Though he speaks of neutrality, honestly he has already meddle in human affairs. A lot of times. ]

[likethelight]

[Ah—]

It's not really for any noble reason.