asgardmeridiem | Music expresses that which cannot be said [Closed]

[ the angel will believe, nodding softly. And after, he heads inside the theater; he already has the keys to a music room in his hands - and he didn't rent that room, no. But since he started working here, Kaworu never did so. ]

A song. [ of course. ] On the piano.

[ Ah -- tagging along just behind to follow. ]

A song? [ Of course, he figured it was something to do with the piano. But -- ]

Did you learn a new one?

I created it. [ Kaworu can't bring himself to use the words "wrote it" or "made it". Because writing and making are usual things, everything can do - even an angel. That's why saying it would never truly express what it meant to Kaworu.

To create something.

Angels don't create. They have no Fruit of Knowledge and thus they live their lives never creating, never wanting more. Creation isn't something they are capable of because they also lack imagination and what makes one grow.

However, Kaworu is capable of growth. He still has much difficulty imagining anything, but sometimes, for a flick of a second, he can see things he has never seen before. And then, one day, he played piano with Link and the two of them just... hit keys and strangely a new song was formed - that was as close as creation as Kaworu has ever been to.

And for a moment there he wondered.

"What if I can?"

He supposes that's how everything starts, every little idea. Every creation.

The half angel enters the room, filled with musical instruments and, at a corner, a piano. Thats the only thing he cares about right now and he moves towards it next. ]

[ "Created" --

Allen jerks a little at that, almost saying something but then biting his tongue.

"How" isn't a question, after all, and that's not what his surprise is at. Even if Kaworu's said his kind can't create or grow... It isn't like Allen ever believed that, not from anything he's seen of Kaworu. In fact, he believed the opposite. How could he not. It isn't like he'd pointlessly argue about it, either.

But he is surprised that Kaworu said that.

So he blinks at that, and because that seems such an important thing he's quiet -- ]

[ -- and then smiles, taking a seat at the bench after Kaworu does. Inclining his head a little in a nod as he does so, and it's a small but such a very glad sort of genuine smile.

This is -- really important. And not really about the piano at all, is it. ]

Can I hear it?

[ Kaworu is sitting besides Allen, watching his smile before he turns to look at the piano keys for a moment, until he hears the request. It is indeed, his plan to play the song for Allen, but it's a bit strange-

because while he was creating it, Kaworu was happy. It was his first time and joining the sounds together felt so good, and something so beautiful came out of his fingers and brain and heart.

And now he is sharing it with the other. And all he wants is to make him smile like that.

To create is a wonderful feeling; but to share what you just created, to make another smile so genuinely like that - it feels better. And it's more than worth it.

Kaworu's fingers rest on the piano keys and he finally begins playing. It's a soft song, quiet and peaceful and it's also rather short, but this is the first time Kaworu has ever created anything, so it's not a surprise. ]

[ Ah...

It's always the sort of thing to give Allen the briefest sort of mental pause, since he's never been the most appreciative or knowledgeable of music, instincts of the "Musician" in him or not. Lack of exposure, lack of time, being the more physically active vagabond sort always off doing something; that sort of thing.

But it's also a personal thing beyond just music like this, too.

So he's quiet as Kaworu plays. Like he usually is whenever he sits and listens to him play, or the times when Allen plays with him too. Like it's a deep and important thing, a nostalgic sort of thing where his mind goes elsewhere and like he's trying to remember something. And with Timcanpy having taking his perch right where sheet music would usually be.

Even with all the things surrounding the piano that give him doubt, it does still remind him of Mana, knowing that it was music for that that he taught Allen. Even with so many reasons to have misgivings he can't forget and be a little relaxed by that. Especially when Kaworu plays, and plays like that -- it feels a little gentler, a little closer to that. Peaceful and nice, so it's okay to just sit beside him and close his eyes and listen to the song.

...and it's sad, that song. But somehow a little hopeful, too. Gentle. And he blinks for a moment when he realizes it's come to an end. Almost like it caught Allen a little by surprising, its end.

Ah... that's the sort of song that came from him? ]

[ ... heh. ]

That's amazing...

-- it sounds like you. [ Which is what does make him beam. ]

[ kaworu's red eyes turn to Allen. He is not expecting criticism about the song, he just wants to see his expression.

Because so far, Allen has made Kaworu happy in many ways - cider, snow, rain, watching the moon and the stars - and he really wants to give Allen something to smile for.

He just wants to see him smile and give him happiness.

So when Allen does, Kaworu smiles back, sweetly, and glad. ]

Like me? [ though it wasn't Kaworu's idea when he started creating this song ]

[ But he doesn't have to. He really doesn't, because those things made Allen happy, too. Because of their friendship.

That's what makes him smile now at this too, after all. Because it means something to Kaworu. ]

Mm. [ A nod, and a quieter smile as he sits back a little. ]

It's very gentle and soothing. [ A little sad. ] But hopeful, too.

It suits you.

What made you think of it?

[ there is a pause as Kaworu looks back at the keys ]

There is a Portuguese word that can't be translated into any other language, "Saudade". It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. "The love that remains" after someone is gone, a moment has passed, or a place is left behind.

It's "I miss you", but more than that.

[ Kaworu presses a random key softly. ] I think it was that.

[ Ah...

Moments like that, Kaworu --

... they're when you seem very human.

It's painful to watch sometimes. ]

Show me how to play it?

[ It's brighter, gentle but rather suddenly so -- like he's just made up his mind. And he leans forward a little to dip his head and smile to try catch the other's gaze.

How could he not after that. ]

I don't know how good I'll be [ and there's a sheepish flash of a smile then; he can't explain his ability to play, after all, beyond that instinct and playing sometimes with Kaworu, after all ] --

But I'd like to try.

[ Kaworu blinks, for a moment as he hears Allen's request, and with a bright smile on his lips, the half angel nods.

His hands take place on top of the piano keys, hoping Allen to follow with the keys on his side. The tone will be different, but the sound will be the same, in a way ]

It's alright if you are good or not. As long the sound produce is nice and beautiful, that's what matters.

[ Ehe...

Allen follows suit, even if he hesitates for a moment first as if unsure where to put his hands at all, but --

In recalling how it started he does, or at least something clicks and he remembers what to do, and he places his hands over the keys to mirror Kaworu, turning a little again to just smile sheepishly at that. ]

Isn't that the same thing?

You can still press few keys wrong. But it doesn't mean the sound that comes out of it is wrong. If it makes you happy, that is enough. If you think it's nice, that is a good thing already.

[ Kaworu keeps pressing the keys, slowly, just so Allen can keep up ]

[ Heh...

Allen just smiles a little at that, before dropping his gaze back to the keys and moving his hands to follow. Glad for or maybe even a little amused by that, since it isn't like that surprises him at all, after all.

But what memories of the (a?) Musician were already awakened in him weren't removed. Not when they became part of him. So even if he's not sure entirely what he's doing, his hands are. So it's like an easy and old thing to follow Kaworu, as soon as he's heard the note. Slow at first and then with more certainty. ]

[ Kaworu smiles as Allen follows and once they have gotten halfway of the song, he speaks again ]

Before, I played piano with Link. He said he couldn't play, so all he could do was pressing the keys.

Even though I was playing something I already knew, and even thought Link didn't really mean to play anything in particular, in the end a melody I have never heard before was created.

It was easy, with him. [ but alone, it was very difficult for Kaworu. It took him a month to create something this small and actually rather simple. ] So I wondered, what if it's not as difficult as it looks?

[ Kaworu turns to look at Allen, a bit unimpressed. ]

That was wishful thinking. It really was very difficult.

[ Ah --

Allen still follows along, but ] But you made something that came from your heart anyway, right?. [ It had to have; what Kaworu had said before. "Saudade". Why Allen had asked to learn it.

He smiles a little more gently, glancing towards Kaworu briefly. ]

To me, it seems a difficult thing to do regardless.

Doesn't that make it worth it?

[ Kaworu looks at Allen for a moment, smiling softly - yet brightly and so glad - after. He nods ]

I think so. I know it's small and rather simple - but this song, my creation.

I'm very glad I was able to do it, even if it was very difficult.

[ Smiling a little to himself at that, Allen's eyes flicker from Kaworu to his hands on the keys; how they move. Watching and learning from that. ]

I'm not surprised you could. [ He really isn't. It's actually the most oddly straightforward, simple thing to Allen. ]

But I'm really glad you showed me. [ Because it's so bittersweet but so Kaworu. Which is sad, but so very special, too. Important. And playing like this... ]

I think it's very special.

[ He has to pause in between speaking, like it's a hard thing to do both at once, because of listening to the melody. Listening, but not just with his ears, and more like feeling it. It's strange. It's how it's ever been for him with music like this, since the Ark and playing for the first time.

That's why it's important.

And with it being over, he lets his hands linger on the keys so he can look up and smile properly at him. ]

Thank you.

Edited 2013-04-04 23:01 (UTC)

[ Kaworu knows Allen doesn't really understand why the angel always said he could not create. He doesn't know what it means not to have the Fruit of Knowledge and he has never met the Angels (it's a good thing he didn't, because it'd mean something bad for this world) and how they are.

Kaworu, however - he is a ball of contradictions, things that aren't meant to exist, yet they do deep inside him. He is a hybrid. And while not human, he has many human characteristics.

Creation is and always will be very hard for Kaworu - yet if he tries hard he can make it. That makes him happy. ]

Thank you for listening. [ he smiles wider and gently Kaworu presses his head against Allen's shoulder to rest it there. One of his hand drops, but the other remains on the piano keys. ]

Link doesn't remember me. Should I move out? I imagine it'll be weird for him to live with a stranger in a strange place.

[ Ah, that's... ]

[ Wait, what.

He startles a little with a jerky movement, not enough to dislodge Kaworu or at least he doesn't mean to, but it's at what he said and not what he did. ]

Of course not! [ A little concerned, and he's craning his head a little to try and see him better. ]

Just because -- [ Still blinking for a moment, and his expression keeps flickering. Baffled -- and maybe a little distraught, too. ]

-- just because of that you don't have to leave. He didn't know you before either, did he? It's strange for everyone at first --

[ He's trying not to turn towards him but Allen -- kind of is. It's out of being quite suddenly rather earnest and fidgety. ]

He just has to get to know you again. And me too. [ And Allen too so don't say that. ] That's all.

Edited 2013-04-05 07:07 (UTC)

[ kaworu blinks, rising his head to look at Allen. he honestly doesn't understand why Allen would even be concerned about it - it was a logical suggestion.

Ah, but-

Allen's words at the end-

"Me too".

They are all it matters now. ]

Does it hurt you, that he doesn't remember?

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