asgardmeridiem | JUNE INTRO MINGLE

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JUNE INTRO MINGLE

Who: Newbies and anyone who wishes to greet them!
What: Getting used to the city
When: Days 274 and forward
Where: Anywhere in town!
Rating: PG-13 tops! If it gets worse, move to a private log please.

[Please include your location and the IC day (ex. Day 275) in your top-level comment or your subject line when starting a thread! It can be any welcome hall, major attraction, or just out an about in any district. For newbies making a top-level thread, you may include your character's name/canon/house in your subject line if you'd like, to make housemates easy to find! :) If a God is needed or wanted, please ping the mods and depending on availability we might be able to throw them in where asked.

Also, keep an eye on the event schedule for June! If you're ICly introing during an event, make sure you take that into account. Thank you!

Have fun!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Ah...

Death and grief --

... Allen knows it rather well. He's an Exorcist still, after all. But his expression flickers a little sadly at that, sympathetic, because how can he not be? From how he understands the situation, at least. And he sets the sack of baked things aside on a table, though he doesn't move from by the door yet. ]

I know.

[ He knew for a long time, actually. And that it was Shinji that killed him, even if he doesn't know all the gory details precisely.

Enough to know it's a very complicated thing he doesn't really have any place in, except Shinji's here now and Kaworu isn't. And complicated enough to understand he can't be mad at Shinji for it. Even if he knows enough from Kaworu to hate the entire situation, that it would ever come to something like that. ]

But he isn't dead here.

[ More gently, after a moment: ] It's okay. Things are different here. [ Right...?

It's Allen's own ironic case as well. Though he's also the one living away from his friends; his comrades. ]

Nobody has to be a danger to anybody else.

[He isn't dead here

It's ok

Shinji tries to ignore the stinging sensation in his eyes that is coming on, now. As reassuring as that may be to anyone else, he isn't sure if things being different here is a good thing... Then again, he was the type to think the worst of things, so early on.

He shakes his head. Sadly, someone as stubborn as Shinji wasn't going to accept something like this that easily. ]

No. You don't know. [Yes, Allen does know; But Shinji thinks and feels like he shouldn't.]

You've got to be lying. [No, Allen is not, but Shinji wants to think he is.]

I'm not. [ But it's still gentle, his expression flickering. (Denial and Allen are very, very good and old friends.) But even if gentle, but he needs to insist that, too. He knows it's hard, so really, incredibly hard, but still, Shinji --

Allen hesitates for a moment like he might take a step forward, except he just shifts a little then and doesn't. Just lets his hand rest still on the doorknob where it is. ]

He's been here almost as long as I have.

Time spent here or not probably makes no difference to someone who has been dead.

[ Shinji might or might not have meant to have such a bite in his tone of his voice. He was thinking of the possibility of Kaworu, indeed, being here.

For almost a year.

With little option except being here unless he returned to being... well. dead.

'Because of me...'

All the more reason why Shinji wasn't swallowing this that easily and is keeping their distance, still. But the shuddering he made probably implied he was trying to take it in. Him being here. Denial and guilt really were doing a number to Shinji's being, at the moment. ]

[ ?! ]

It makes all the difference. [ Allen has a gentle, soft-spoken way about him, but it's quick and certain. Because it's not just for Kaworu either -- in fact he wasn't even the first one to make that impression on Allen. Nakama did; she's the one who made him see how much this could become home and everything to someone who had nothing else left for them.

It's not the same with Kaworu, no. But that -- ]

Being dead somewhere else doesn't mean you're any less alive here.

Doesn't it mean something, being able to actually spend time with someone you never thought you'd see again? [ Being able to see the actual person again, not being tricked into... ... well... Allen has reasons to be skeptical and pretty harsh when it comes to wishing the dead back to life. In that that's the worst sort of abomination there is in his world.

But this is different. There isn't the same penalty.

And being able to make amends.

Because even if you killed him, Shinji, and Allen can't begin to figure out your feelings between what he knew before and what Kaworu's told him (honestly he's good at figuring people out but he hasn't got a clue about what makes you tick yet)... you still cared, right?

It's impossible not to, killing someone you wanted to spend time with. Not with a human heart. ]

[A sigh is heard from the younger of the two. Shinji will soon know of Allen's ~~intrusive~~ ways.

Don't get him wrong, Allen. He does. More than just "cares". This was someone who showed Shinji kindness when no one else did, after all; and to show Shinji is capable of loving another being.

It's just.

What do you say to someone after that?

Is it ok to look at them?

"Hi, how's not being dead?"?

But he will at least ask this, though,]

...

Is he... all right? [Shinji had a hunch that the angel would be bound to be fine, if he had almost a year, but nonetheless. ]

[ Ah --

Allen relaxes a little at that. Visibly, tension bleeding from shoulders. ]

Yeah.

[ It's quietly glad, and he smiles gently. And moves finally then, a little closer and to indicate a place to sit at a small table. (It's furnished only in the most bare and basic sort of way, the room.) Not moving to touch, he's too polite and a little reserved (generally) for that, but kindly.

It's alright. ]

He's been doing really well.

[ As reassuring as the answer would be, it does not lessen Shinji's own tension.

'That's great, but... But...'

He finally stops looking at the floor and looks up when he hears Allen move.

~~Shinji, the table is NOT booby-trapped. Now come over here.~~ Before warily staring, he makes careful steps forward to join Allen.

As much as Kaworu was someone Shinji enjoyed spending time with despite the amount of time they had, as much as that this was someone that Shinji thought he was never going to see again (he STILL feels like he shouldn't be seeing him again, honestly), it is no promise that he will go out and look for him. It feels... easier to stay put, right now. Running away doesn't seem so bad in that situation.

That is why he does not ask or will bother asking Allen of his whereabouts. But he does have another question in mind. ]

What is he to you? A friend... or...? [Or an enemy? A slight concern crossed Shinji's mind. He doubts that an enemy would be offering you sweets like this, but you never know...]

[ A blink. Or?

... ah. ]

[ There's a slightly confused pause for a moment, before he fumbles then for something in the breast pocket of his vest. Five photographs there, after all, carried on his person since he, well -- he is a bit of a hobo now. He carries all his important possessions with him. (Which means there really aren't very many.) But there's just one picture he takes out and sets in front of Shinji. They're the memory photographs that appeared in boxes around the city, after all. The magical ones that imprinted an important memory like a photograph on a piece of paper. Five of them, and the last one --

-- Allen, but with Kaworu too. Playing the piano. (The day he got Allen to play again for the first time. Christmas, even if they didn't know it was Christmas at the time.)

It's probably hard to believe Allen since he's a stranger to you, Shinji. Maybe that will help? (He can hope.) ]

He's my friend. [ Family. But it's soft, immediate, and certain. Almost blunt, like the most plainly simple sort of obvious thing. And he sits too, folding his arms over on the table and getting a thoughtful lift to his chin. ]

A lot of people consider him their friend, I think.

He's very kind.

[ A pause. ] ...It's okay, you know.

I think he'd be happy to see you.

[ His eyes widen and when he looks at the photo.

Seeing a ghost doesn't quite describe what Shinji is feeling right now. More like he was seeing someone he probably shouldn't be. ...These gods really were the worst.

Looks like there was nothing left to deny, now. Kaworu was here. Allen is no liar. A peculiar sort of character, for Shinji's liking, but not a liar. (Though Shinji must be just as peculiar to Allen, so he has no room to talk.)

In a mixture of surprise and still trying to cling to denial, Shinji hurriedly sweeps the photo away from himself and closer to Allen, a reaction as quick as reacting to something that just burned you.

'I think he'd be happy to see you.'

Happy to see Shinji?

Happy to see Shinji?!

And that's when the younger boy makes fists, shaking as they clenched tightly, ignoring how his naisl are digging into his skin. ]

If you know him so well why do you think he would?! [he didn't mean to raise his voice.]

[ Another blink.

Because that's the kind of person Kaworu is, of course. Someone who's kind like that. Even if (like Allen when he's seen people he knows from his world) he'll also feel bad that it means they're here and won't be happy until they can go back home. It's mixed feelings and maybe feeling bad that they're happy to see them when someone else feels stuck here, like how much Kaworu had missed Shinji when he left before, but...

It's proof of caring.

So Allen just smiles quietly, that gentle and sympathetic sort of way, and takes the photo back, tucking it back into his pocket, and reaches to take a scone from the bakery sack. So that he might start to break it in two. ]

Everyone is happy to see people they care about, even if it's a complicated or hard thing.

It's their proof that they care. [ And given how much Kaworu says he loves people and how much he's told Allen he loves you -- surely you know that too, Shinji.

Even being enemies or opposing sides of something -- Allen only destroys, only "kills" out of kindness. Out of love. Even if it's all such a terribly sad thing, he'd rather it never be an issue in a first place -- isn't there killing someone only because you love them and there's no other choice?

It's a terrible thing that that becomes the only kind choice left, a sickening and terrible thing, but it doesn't mean you love them any less, right?

If anything maybe it means you love them more.

So he sets half the scone down in front of the other boy, although Allen doesn't take his own yet. ]

Even if it's a painful thing, too.

[ ~~You really do hang out with Kaworu too much, Allen, you know that?~~

Proof that they care...

And that's what frightens Shinji as much as being alone. When people go that far for someone. He was perfectly fine with putting up the walls until he met Kaworu, who showed him what it was like to be cared for.

So while he wants to try to avoid Kaowru, he is happy to know Kaworu is alive and well. So... Yes. Yes, you're right, Allen. Even if a bond is complicated, people are going to be glad for one another. Shinji just needs some time to see it that way.

There is shuddering exhaling from Shinji, a breath he must have been holding without realizing it, and his fists are less balled. His gaze left Allen's to stare down at the scone he was handed. ~~It's not poisoned, Shinji. Go on, eat it.~~]

Even if it's painful....

Is it the same for you, Allen?

[ ~~Allen was already like this before he met Kaworu. BUT YEAH IT PROBABLY DIDN'T... help...~~

It's just important to him, these things. The human heart -- humanity that doesn't require being human -- and the strength of it.

But Allen blinks slightly at that. A small relief that Shinji seemed to be relaxing a little (or that he used his name) cut short by surprise, and he cocks his head at a bit of an angle. ]

The same for me? [ ? ]

[ ~~Double the jesuses for Shinji to deal with. Wonderful. hah.~~ When Shinji carefully tried to pick his words, his fingers sort of twiddled at the scone, not really eating it, quite yet. ]

Would you still think the same as what you're telling me if there was someone you would want to see again, even if it hurt you? Even if they betrayed your feelings?

[ Well. obviously, not in the same way as Shinji wondering if it's a good idea to see Kaworu again or not... (And we hope not!) But he wondered. Allen sounded so certain, and a little too all-knowing for Shinji's liking. Dealing with empaths was going to be a fun feat for Shinji, in this place. ]

[ At least this one is empathetic enough to kick your ass if it needs kicking. But mostly he'll bleed kindness everywhere and find insidious ways to crawl into people's hearts against their better judgement, yeah. HAVE FUN.

But his expressions flickers at that. A little quieter. Neutral. ]

Of course. [ And he doesn't even bat an eye at that. Though Allen's the one who's left others feeling betrayed by being who he is, by leaving them, most likely... Quite a few people. Even if it was for the best for them, too. And a few terrible misconceptions.

If anything that hurts worse though and why that's such a simple "of course". He's the one who has so many people he wants to see again so badly. And it would hurt so much because he knows how much he's hurt them and how bad that guilt can sting sometimes, even if he can't let it overwhelm him. But he would be so happy to see any of them, too.

Allen killed what he loved, after all. The first person who was ever kind to and gave him a home. Worse than killed, really. And a lot more people ended up dying or having their home broken because of him. ]

Feeling like that is only because of caring so much in the first place, isn't it?

Edited 2013-06-16 16:37 (UTC)

[ ~~And Shinji does need a good ass-kicking/chewing out, sometimes. It's all good~.~~

When Shinji takes Allen's question to thought, he had taken a nibble at the scone. ~~Yes, not poisoned. ...Good.~~ (He might or might have taken another nibble at how surprisingly good it was.) Shinji may have been the one who asked, but he wasn't sure if he was going to ask any further explanation about the answer.

And then, ]

Caring this much is troublesome, sometimes, when you put it that way.

[ Yet we all do it and need it, as humans?

It wasn't that the few bonds that Shinji had were meaningless or anything like that. That wasn't the case. Said bonds were proof he was capable of caring about other people. He was afraid of being hurt so he ends up hurting others when they got closer, even if he hated being alone on the same side of that coin. The hedgehog's dilemma, they call it. ]

[ Even though he'd flashed a bit of a slightly awkward but relieved smile when Shinji finally had some of the scone (you didn't actually think it was poisoned, did you), at that --

Allen blinks, expression slipping a little. And he pauses from picking up his own scone half, eyes flicking back to Shinji a little more quietly. Unreadable.

Like he's taking a moment to remind himself of something. (Be polite, Allen.) ]

"Troublesome"?

[ A small pause of silence when he took another bite while he thought how to explain this any better. Hm. Allen sure had good taste in sweets. Aw, come on. He reserves maybe a little right to wonder about the food people are offering him. A little girl kidnapped him to make him try her bread she made (and burnt) and he wondered if she was going to try kill him with it.

It's troublesome that people still care for others, even if it might hurt. I though we all hated pain.

[ Is that love, whether romantic or not or platonic, at its rawest, to some extent? Either way, there's no way to control human emotions or heart, is there? ]

I don't deserve to be forgiven by people I hurt, if that is the case.

[ ~~Do you normally go around thinking little girls are out to kill you with burnt bread...~~

But Allen -- stiffens a little at that, lifting his chin and getting a much sharper and clearer-eyed expression at that. You should ignore it Allen, you really should, but --

He's not good at that.

And there might be a sharper remark or some long speech on human caring and the human heart, except... ]

[ ...Mmf.

He breaks his sconehalf in half again and feeds that quarter to Timcanpy. (Who apparently grows a mouth out of nowhere to eagerly snap it up with.) Very... gently. Seeming to only really pay attention to that and doing so rather deliberately. ]

That's a terrible way of thinking. [ SHRUG. (He can be blunt.)

At least when it comes to calling it as he sees it. But -- it's gentle even if flatly said. Like an offhand statement instead of accusation.

But he's very gentle in feeding Timcanpy just then and minding the crumbs. ]

It doesn't matter if you're forgiven or not.

As long as your reason is because of that caring.

[ ~~H-HEY. YOU NEVER KNOW.~~
And Shinji just intently watched Allen feed Timcanpy. Rather than be put off by the gold creature, he was blinking and the look of curiosity came as fast as it left his face. Because he soaked in Allen's answer.

Though it didn't quite get through his head (...yet.), he was left thinking for a moment ~~(and we apologize for the awkward silence)~~. At least he stopped thinking living was troublesome, at some point. (Though he disliked himself, he thought maybe he can like himself, someday.)

He was going in a better direction, but it still needed some work.]

Is that so...

[ Ah, that answer -- ]

[ Allen blinks, but then he smiles, taking a second to set Timcanpy back on his shoulder.

Stitched-together but certain. ]

It's something to live for, isn't it?

[ To live for?

That is a little hard for someone who just simply lived (Not for anyone. Not even for himself. Not as an order. Just... Lived.) to wrap their head around.

Hard to quite understand for someone who clung to a purpose for their worth (piloting the Eva) and now that said purpose is not possible here and has been done after killing the final angel, he's left with a sense of "What happens now?".

But Shinji can try. (Just not right now, it seems...)

So he will look up again, blue eyes locking on grey ones. But it's Shinji, so his stares aren't piercing or intimidating. He just wonders the answer to this question he asks,]

Is that what you live for?

~~[ What is your reason for ~~piloting the Eva~~ living, Allen? For others; With all this talk of bonds... ]~~

JUNE INTRO MINGLE

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