It's the calm before the storm [Closed]

[5thchild]

Who: Kaworu Nagisa and Shinji Ikari
What: Their first meeting since Shinji arrived
When: During the afternoon
Where: Theater
Rating: B for bittersweet, C for cute, H for heartbreak and S for sadness

[ Since he came back from Svartalfaheim (aka Dwarf-land), Kaworu still hasn't visited the Theater. He no longer works there, but it's still a place he is very fond of since he can listen to music and play.

It’s quite calming, he thinks, and it takes his mind off his worries regarding the people who left to save the God. However, Kaworu believes it’ll be alright. Because he must believe in them. Of course he can’t help but to worry, but he will wait for their return and meanwhile he will play.

After renting a room with a piano, Kaworu leaves the door open (he always does, just in case anyone wishes to come and play with him) and starts playing. A soft sort of tune, that can soon be recognized at Beethoven’s 9th Symphony "Ode to Joy". ]

Comments

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ Oh? No meats? ...Just like Ayanami. (Sort of?) Neither Rei or Kaworu were that easy to understand. Yet they both had that uncanny ability to intrigue Shinji, when it comes to people.

That kind smile only made Shinji look down at his food, look anywhere but at the other boy. ]

It's nothing to really thank me for... It's not much. [H-He might think you're still talking about the bento.]

[5thchild]

[ His smile remains and nods after, returning to eat his food.

Kaworu knows Shinji might not understand. But really, to be like this with the other boy it brings him such happiness that is hard to put into words.

before, he never had lunch with him, never talked to him like this, never saw him so close and never had the chance of telling him much.

To be like this with Shinji makes Kaworu incredibly happy. ]

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ Even though he is mildly annoyed that Kaworu has been a tad evasive, it might be for the best? Because if Shinji knew, he'd probably apologize. He'd apologize so much. Even as they sit right here together, Shinji feels like he hasn't apologized enough.

So, for now, Shinji follows Kaworu's example of resuming to eating. This tasted really good. Kaworu, you got good taste.

And he was so convinced he wasn't hungry... Hah. After finishing a bite, he looks to Kaworu with a slight smile. ]

You were right, Kaworu-kun. It's... delicious.

[5thchild]

i'm glad.

Asgard has amazing things. The food, the music, the people - even grey and with war, they are capable of so much. It really is amazing. [ the angel continues to eat after he spoke, taking a sip from his drink from time to time ]

I don't know how it was back in your world [ kaworu lived inside a laboratory. he hardly knows anything about living out in the world, unless it was written in books ] But I believe this one is different. i hope the differences, however, won't upset you.

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ Getting Shinji to be a little more receptive about Asgard (let alone be involved) would probably be a while. So he's not sure he agrees (yet), but he listened, anyway, as he ate at his salad.

The smile was gone as fast as it came and turned into almost a straight line. But, Kaworu... He kind of already is upset. Or close to it, at least. His eyes narrowed at that. His frustration talking again, for a moment.]

I guess the faceless maids and grey people aren't enough of a hint at it being different, is it?

[ but that wasn't what Kaworu meant. Shinji probably knew that, as well. Like. School? What would that be, now? The stars here in Asgard? They were just like any star-filled night back in their world but they weren't... the same stars, either. Not having to live anywhere with an adult? It WAS different.]

[5thchild]

[ The angel smiles, even with those words. ]

This world is sick. Hence the grey.

I don't know much about the faceless maids, though.

[ he doesn't care much about them either ]

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ Was there a clean plate on Shinji's end? Yes. Yes, there was. Kaworu, it really was good.

He wondered... He took a sip at his water before asking, having enough of talking about Asgard. It wasn't going to make him anymore enthusiastic about being here. ]

If I can ask. What exactly did you know? [Before Shinji went and ended your life... yeah...

That is. If you grew up like Shinji did?]

[5thchild]

[ Kaworu blinks at that question. ]

You mean, before meeting you?

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ He nods. ]

That is. If it's ok to ask.

[5thchild]

[ the angel nods ]

I'm just not sure where to begin. [ there is a lot, after all. ]

I was raised in SEELE's laboratories, as their experiment. I was only allowed minimal contact with people, thus I do not know much regarding socialization or conduct.

They did allow me to read books. However, they do not speak of everything I have lived since I left the laboratory, and they didn't properly prepared me for any of it.

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ A labrat of a child, indeed... Shinji couldn't help but frown at that. Just like Ayanami...?

At least Shinji's teacher, after the boy was left behind by his father, gave Shinji a fairly normal childhood when raising him. Or tried to, seeing as how Shinji would grow up to be anti-social like he is today.

But. Kaworu. You...]

...

Were you lonely, Kaworu-kun?

[5thchild]

[ kaworu nods softly ] Very much. I have felt deep loneliness all through my life.

[ even now he feels it. because he is an angel without Adam.

And yet, he still smiles. It's not a fake or dismissing smile, but it's gentle and caring, like it's not something one has to worry about ]

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ Are you that grateful to meet everyone here? Shinji had always felt loneliness, but that... Oh, Kaworu... Your smiles only twist Shinji's heart, rather than reassure him not to worry. If it weren't for this table, he's reach for you. Alas.

But the his foot intentionally touching Kaworu's was the next best thing? ]

And yet you still smile... Why? How? [ That sure isn't someting that Shinji is able to do...]

[5thchild]

Because I have also felt happiness. And the things that make me happy and much more important than the things that make me feel lonely, sad or that hurt me.

It's not a matter of having felt more or less happiness or pain. It's about weighting it.

[ and the smile is still there, always. ]

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ That's probably exactly the problem with Shinji. He weighed what hurt him moreso than what made him happy in his life. Well. He tried to determine what he felt more of, rather than weighed anything, really. (let alone wanting to take responsibility for any of it.) And it will be a while before he realizes that or before Kaworu got that through his head.

He also realized something.

It was a little surprising to Shinji that someone like Kaworu was able to feel loneliness and be hurt like anyone else... Even though he told Misato that Kaworu was just like him and Ayanami, and even though he said that he loved him, too... ]

I really don't know anything about you, don't I? [He thought he said it to himself, but it was outloud...]

[5thchild]

[ Kaworu smiles at those words ]

It's alright. [ it is, even if Shinji doesn't know anything about Kaworu, it doesn't matter. ] As long I can make you feel at ease.

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ At that, he looked down at his own hands, like looking at the table was more interesting.]

You make me feel things, but I don't think ease is one of them. [ Yet he's still here, sitting across from Kaworu. ]

[5thchild]

[ it's Kaworu's turn to go silent. ]

I'm sorry, SHinji-kun. [ he is. All he really wants is to make this person happy or soothe his path to make it happen.

But it's really difficult, isn't it? Like before. ]

I don't wish to make you uncomfortable.

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ He flinched at that. Another apology. Kaworu... ]

It's just. [ It's not like you have control over these circumstances. And it's not like it's what you do. ]

I was so sure I wouldn't see you again...

[5thchild]

I understand it's a difficult situation. [ Kaworu knows well how people can become so upset.

Though... during instrumentality Shinji would meet Kaworu again. And in a new cycle, too, even if he would not remember. ]

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

I wasn't any more ready to see you even though Allen told me you were here.

I didn't want to believe him...

[ (So, in a messed up sense, should he leave from here, one day, he would see Kaworu again.. Sort of. )

Then again. There is no way to be "ready" to see someone again, after something like that. ]

[5thchild]

[ Ah... he met Allen. ]

There are many things most would consider strange, in this place. It seems difficult to adapt at first, but eventually - [ he hopes ] you start to understand it.

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

He said the same thing. [But Shinji wasn't the most interested in listening, at that time. He felt bad, suddenly. He wasn't the nicest to Allen, wasn't he...?

It was natural for Shinji to be skeptical of the exorcist when he said it, even though Allen showed him the picture, but if he heard it from you... ]

He said you were friends. ...Is this true? [ Is he ok to trust? ]

[5thchild]

[ the angel nods ]

It is. he is very important to me. [ but then again, there are so many people important to kaworu.

But Allen... he taught Kaworu so many things already. So the angel can't help but speak so fondly of him ]

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ Well. He guesses he'll take your word for it. Either Allen is a good person or you got a weird judgement of character, Kaworu... He is inclined to assume the latter, for now. (The exorcist and the pilot were different and were probably going to disagree, but...)

He fiddles with his empty glass, to keep from looking awkward just sitting there.]

I see... [ Little does Shinji know, he'll someday make bonds of his own, right? ]

You both were here for so long, weren't you? [ So it makes sense that Kaworu thinks that way.]