asgardmeridiem | If the stars say that you couldn’t love me

Entry tags:

If the stars say that you couldn’t love me

Who: Rose (

idem )
What: Nightmares were never his strong point.
When: Night 453
Where: Rose's room
Rating: R.....to be safe?

The Doctor wakes up in a cold sweat, nearly falling out of bed as he reaches out for something he cant remember chasing after. There's a scream caught in his throat, a name he's forgotten, and it works it's way out of his lungs in a strangled whimper as he deflates, all his muscles aching from the fitful frightened sleep he's endured the last two days. He's never slept much even before the Time War, and after he went as long as he could without it. Here, without the TARDIS to soothe his mind, the nightmares felt even worse. He was alone. So alone.

Tentoo fumbled out of bed, one hand pressed to his face and the other groping for a path to the ensuite, where he washes his face without bothering to turn on the lights. He can't remember the dream, but that doesn't change the sickness in his chest it left, and he leans braced against the sink until his stomach stops trying to upend itself on him. The clock on the wall said 2:00 AM, he notices it as he walks out the door, already in the hall before he realizes where he's going. Rose. He needed to see her. This wasn't how things were supposed to be after they were left on the beach, he wasn't supposed to be separated from her, not this quickly. She had accepted him hadn't she? But that was a different her.

He hadn't bothered putting on shoes, and the ground is cool against his feet (he's so much more sensitive to temperature in this body) as he makes his way across the city, still in his striped pajamas. The stars aren't ones he recognizes, and he's seen nearly all of them, and he commits them to memory, red, blue, white dwarf, all trillions of years old and so far away.

The moment he enters Sigyn house he feels strange, but presses forward until he find's Rose's door, and knocks, resting his forearm on the door frame and his forehead against that.

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"Probably ran out of jam. That'd be just wizard wouldn't it. Never having jam ever again. How would I eat my toast?" He moves with her, before slowly unwinding himself from her. He doesn't know where that word came from (He doesn't know anyone who talks like that, where could he have picked it up?)

"Sorry." He swallows, Adam's apple bobbing as he straightens up. If he thinks a bit the answer is pretty clear. He had been reaching out for something lost. The desperate need to see her. "Wasn't interrupting anything was I?"

Even as he pulls away his hands still linger on her arms, unwilling to release her.

Jam. Of course, she wasn't going to get the truth from him, not even when he looks like something that's been thrown out on the street. Letting out a held breath as he unwinds from her, Rose reaches up to smooth down her disastrous bedhead, making sure to keep the contact that he clearly needs.

"No. Just trying to sleep." Her eyes rake down, conscious of her own thin, askew pajamas. "Failing, just a bit. Hard to drift off when everyone's talking about nightmares, it turns out." She makes an effort at a smile, trying to lighten up the somewhat grave statement, but only her concern shows through.

He'd ask to stay, to curl up with her in her bed, but he fears closing his eyes again, and Rose is looking so worried he wonders guiltily if the should have even came here. "Want to go on a walk?" It comes out of his mouth before he realizes what he's saying, that desperate bid to not be sent away. "Maybe a midnight snack?" He twins one hand with hers, squeezing it despite his clammy palms. "Jam. Maybe. If that was what it was. Picnic under the stars? Not the same as having it in the doorway of the TARDIS I know, but we can make due?"

"A walk would be great," Rose cuts in, smiling up at him. "Give me just a mo."

She squeezes his hands tightly before letting go, so that she can grab a light jacket. Her trainers are right by her bed, but she forgoes them, in order to match his barefoot state. Then, taking his hand, she gestures to the door.

The Doctor waits at the door, fiddling with his pajamas and then running his hand through his hair so that it stuck up in an even more unruly state then before. It doesn't take her long to get back, but he's already needing her hand in his and he wraps his long fingers around hers, before shifting so their fingers interlace, something about that so comforting and yet so guilty. There's so many missing years between them, so much he should probably tell her, but the fear that this Rose would reject him is too strong.

The door is closed behind them and Tentoo leads them towards the street, already feeling a bit better with his companion at his side. He bumps her shoulder after a moment of silence, looking over at hr with more affection then he usually allowed back in his fully time lord body. "Rose....You remember back on Krop Tor?" He clears his throat nervously, turning his eyes up to the stars. "Seems we've found ourselves in that position again."

Rose clutches his hand as they walk outside, looking up at the starry sky behind his beautiful, ridiculous hair. She knows there's a lot she needs to ask him, and a lot he needs to tell her. It's been awhile, it's clear on his face. This isn't the same exact man she ran all over the galaxy with, but at moments like this it's so easy to believe that she popped right back to Canary Wharf and helped him best the Daleks and the Cybermen, and they're back on their wonderful, whirlwind adventure together.

She bumps his shoulder back, leaning into his arm as fully as she can while staying upright. Her cheeks flush under his gaze, and she looks away, at the sleeping city. "Thank God there's not a black hole this time. Think I'd have to have a few words."

"No Devil either, that's a plus. Well, as far as we know." He smiles down at her, swinging their hands a bit as his mood bumps up a bit. "What was it you said?" He tugs on his ear. "Stuck with you, that isnt so bad." He phrases it very nonchalant, but looks down at her sideways as his heart thrums in his chest. He wants to scoop her up and proclaim his love to her, to start back where they had left off back on that beach but....it's not that easy is it?

Rose's ears flush red, both from the sudden mood shift and from recalling that conversation, back on Krop Tor. She shifts her hand within his grasp, looking up and away at the unfamiliar constellations.

"Yeah." A slight nod. "Still mean it, too."

She wants to still mean it; she hopes that she still can. Whatever happened to him, to make him so angry - Rose still needs to know it, she still needs to hear the whole story. Right now though, walking like this... She squeezes his hand, letting out a slow breath.

"Yeah?" He smiles softly, and then turns back to the sleeping city, then looks back down at his bare feet. "I once was barefoot on the moon Rose, you would have enjoyed that one. Barefoot on the moon with the Jadoon." A frown creases his eyebrows but doesnt quite reach his mouth. Martha Jones. A flash of a recurring nightmare hits him. A sea of bodies, Martha looking up lifelessly amongst the dead. He stumbles once, stubbing his toe. "Blast." They were just dreams. At 906 years old he thought he'd be over nightmares by now.

"Careful!" Rose yelps out instinctively, grabbing for his upper arm to steady him. She sees the change in his facial expression, and knows something must have sent him right back into that nightmare. A pang of sadness going through her chest, she keeps her hand on his arm, looping it around to pull him closer.

"The roads can be a little rough," she cuts in, keeping her voice bright in an attempt to pull him out of his thoughts. "Do you want to sit for awhile, instead?"

"With all the powers these gods have here, you'd think they'd make decent roads." It's a strained joke, and his face turns slightly red as embarrassment courses through him, suddenly self conscious. He scratches at one eye, before nodding, looking up at the grassy hill to one side of their path. "Not apple grass but we'll have to make due." He tries a smile again, wondering if all these memories he's sharing with her will help her understand when he finally had to tell her about this body's origin. "No coat either. I miss that coat. Rose Janis Joplin gave me that coat. Did I ever tell you that story?" He's certain he did but still, "It was one night before her concert and we just barely escaped capture...."

Rose takes his arm and leads him over to sit down on the ground. The grass is faintly dewy beneath her bare legs, and she wraps her jacket more tightly around her.

"Yeah, and you escape capture more narrowly each time you tell it." Her grin is wide and teasing, but she doesn't let go of his arm, instead holding his elbow gently and reassuringly. He's babbling now, but she's still concerned, seeing how white and distressed his face looked when he appeared at her door.

He lifts his free hand and traces the shape of the fingers resting on his arm fondly, stretching his long legs out and flopping back on his back. The dew seeps through his pajamas but he doesnt move, staring up at the stars. "I have a bit of the TARDIS, had it when I arrived. She's completely inert though... not a flicker of life." He looks over at her, once again struck by how young she is. How much more suffering she'd have to endure without him. "Suppose we're stuck lest I can whip up a space ship to go and reach those stars. Not sure we'd be allowed to go so easily though."

She can still feel the brush of his fingers on hers profoundly as she settles back down into the grass beside him. The stars spread out overhead, and for a second she could probably pretend that it's before. But that's useless. She can't help fight a war if her head is off fighting reality. Feeling his eyes on her, she looks over and meets them.

"You accustomed to breaking off bits of your ship?" Her voice is teasing, but the thought of the TARDIS sends a quiver of sad longing through her heart. She rolls over, just a degree, to face him better. "It's a nice thought, all the same."

"After Krop Tor I kept a bit in my pocket. Just in case." He admits, turning a little to face her as well. "Comforting too, knowing she was with me even when separated. Bit like a dummy or a stuffed bear I suppose. Linus's blanket. Though, it would get lost in there all the time, never could find it when I needed it." He's glad he rarely cleaned out his pockets now, but he probably could do with one less yoyo or rubber chicken, and one more transuniversal teleportation device. Even so, he laughs,

It's nice and nostalgic, having her laying next to him like this, on a hill with the wind tangling their hair, a new new new hill on a new new new world for the new new new Doctor and Rose. He takes a moment to stare a bit, taking in the pink and white pajamas she's wearing and her fantastic bedhead....that is half falling into her face as usual. He reaches out and tucks some of it behind her ear without thinking, though it's probably a moot point.

Rose leans into the contact, a similarly thoughtless motion for her, and closes her eyes for a moment. If the grass smelled like apples, if she could imagine his big coat spread out around his body...

"And it could really grow into another TARDIS?" She opens her eyes, meeting his once more with a slow smile. "I mean, if it was working properly?"

He smiles back, eyebrows pressing together as he traces the line of her jaw as he pulls his hand back. "It could take a very very very long time." He falls back again, tucking one arm under his head. "But yes. It'd be our baby TARDIS."

Rose feels herself tense up immediately at the touch, her breath freezing in her throat. Her eyes snap to his, but she makes no move to stop his fingers. Still, her voice is quieter when she speaks, a bit unsure.

"Our baby TARDIS," she repeats, liking the way it feels on her tongue, but untrusting of the words. So many things are uncertain right now, about her present and her future. Their future. "It sounds wonderful."

He looks back over at her immediately, a brighter look on his face as he smiles, that happy smile he normally reserved for her. "Yeah?"

Despite her uncertainties, she can't help matching his infectious smile, tilting her head until the wet grass brushes her cheek. Her heart is pounding from her ears to her damp toes.

"Yeah." To grow something that's their own, something truly shared... "It'd be brilliant, if it could work."

He sighs, rolling over onto his stomach and propping himself up on his forearms. "It could work. If we can get out of here, even just outside their sphere of influence and if I can figure out a way to shatterfy the plasma shell, and modify the dimensional stabilizer to hold a harmonic of 6.3..." Who had told him that. He certainly hadn't thought it up himself. "Certainly would be able to get her up and running within ou-your lifetime."

He scratches at his eye. "If you'd have me."

"Doctor..." She barely breathes out his name, her gaze on his face not breaking. If she was any less transfixed, she would pinch herself, for fear that she's imagining this entire midnight revelation.

"'Course I'd... have you." It's so quiet, so hopeful, it barely crosses the space between them.

There's a moment of complete stillness from The Doctor before he lets out a short, breathless laugh, and he puts all his weight on one arm, using the other to cup her cheek so that he can press his lips soft and hot against hers. It lasts barely a second before he pulls away just far enough that their lips brush, before shuffling closer and kissing her deep and long.

There was something to be said about being part human. One, his life was so short now that he couldn't risk hesitating, and two....Human hormones were far more powerful then a Time Lords.

Rose gasps into the first, unexpected kiss, head rushing so hard in anticipation that she doesn't hear his laugh. Her body is frozen, hands clutching at air, until - as if a rush of wind is passing through her - oxygen returns to her brain, and she finds the steadiness to reach out for him.

Klaxons are sounding deep in the back of her mind, buried behind the months of longing and lust suddenly pushing through. There was something she wanted to say, something she needed to clear up first, but-

The kiss grows deeper, and Rose tries to let it sweep those thoughts far out to sea. She reaches up, snaking a hand into that gorgeous hair. It doesn't matter when he's from, or what he's been through. This is him, her Doctor, and she loves him. Maybe, just maybe, he loves her too. Talk can certainly happen later, right?

Talk could definitely happen later. Later later. Right now, he was more interested in he fingers in his hair, the rush of relief when she doesnt push him away and instead draws him in. He sighs into her mouth, shifting so that he's leaning over her, worming his arm under her shoulder to pull her nearer, scraping his teeth over her bottom lip.

Heat rushes down into his stomach and lower, quicker then he anticipated. He had felt dizzy on that beach, and clung to her so tightly as if she'd vanish into thin air and he'd wake up from this dream if he didn't. Now he leans closer, his chest bumping against hers, his heart beating so quickly he's certain she can feel it.

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