[closed] the only road I've ever been down

[likethelight]

Who: Allen Walker and Kaworu Nagisa
What: fruition of this. jesusy exorcists and angels meeting. and pastries. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG.
When: day 165
Where: Bakery near Sigyn hall
Rating: PG-PG-13?


[The bakery he'd mentioned was a short distance from the Sigyn hall; just a small sort of shop, really. Easy enough to find, though. ...The white-haired boy in a black and red uniform with the scarred face and a golden golem on his shoulder waiting outside helps in terms of being recognizable, though. Leaned up against the wall with a brown paper sack in white gloved (always gloved) hands.

...And a long black cloak with a hood pulled up that mostly keeps him dry. Though he does try not to sigh about or pull too sour a face at it; he really hadn't been counting on it raining this day after he'd had to put it off so long (honestly, he felt really bad about it)...

His luck...

But the golem flicks its wings after for a moment, snapping the rainwater out of them and peering its head (body?) closer to Allen's.] ... Mm.

[Idly petting it a little and letting his eyes close.] I know, Tim.

[—funny, you'd think it (him?) had... spoken to him.

It's alright. Nothing to do about it now.

So they were just waiting for Kaworu. Slightly melancholic despite having warm scones so close at hand, but that's more for feeling guilty about the last few days and postponing.

...But he'd made sure to try and get here early, after all, so he could pour on all his charm and score some of the day's extra pastries on the house. Occasionally he knows how charming he can be. Occasionally.]

Comments

[likethelight]

[He smiles at that and nods a little, walking alongside. Content to be quiet for a moment, a little lost in thought, and letting the rain dampen his hair.

So when he speaks, it's in a distant sort of manner. Like remembering something.] When I was a kid...

My father was the one who first really took me out in the rain. Or snow. He'd make games out of it so it wouldn't seem so cold. And got me my first coat to wear. [No one really... had before. But he doesn't draw attention to that.]

Even though I really didn't like it at the time and he had to make me wear it. [He'd wanted something less cute and more fierce...

He's smiling though, hands still in pockets and head tipped up.] We traveled all the time and didn't have much money, so we'd usually be out in it. Just walking forever in it sometimes, it seemed.

[It's a wistful, nostalgic thing, and he plays a little with Timcanpy's tail, perched on his shoulder like he is.]

It was nice.

[5thchild]

[ Kaworu doubts "father" is the same person as "master". He is silent as he hears Allen, and when the last words are said, the half-angel turns to look at the other boy ]

Are you lonely? Without him.

[likethelight]

[There's just a smile at that. Genuine, but—like it's a sad thing, too.]

Sometimes.

But then I just like to think about him.

[5thchild]

Would you like for him to show up here?

1/2

[likethelight]

[???

That actually makes his head whip around a little quickly.] Ah, what?

[It—

He just flashes a quick smile. Nervous.] No. No, that's....

[—Steadying.] It's okay. That sort of thing...

2/2

[likethelight]

[Hesitating.]

Where I'm from, that's not the sort of thing you wish for.

[5thchild]

Why not? Lilim mourn their dead to the point of deep depression. To the point of ending their world for those who are gone. [ he means this quite literally, as matter of fact. ]

[likethelight]

...

[He's quiet for a second at that, still walking along, hands in pockets.]

It's understandable, wanting to see someone again so badly...

[A pause.] But it's okay. It's sad, losing someone, but...

Just wishing them back without thought doesn't change that fact. It's selfish.

[He was tricked into bringing his own adopted father back as an undead sort of monstrosity only to end up unwillingly killing him, after all.]

[5thchild]

The human heart is quite selfish. But I think it's okay.

[ Kaworu smiles ] I think I'm selfish too, sometimes. I have been called that. [ by Shinji, mostly. And wanting Shinji to be happy above anything else, it does sound a bit selfish to him, but it's what Kaworu wants. ]

That's why it's okay for you to be selfish, even about such thing.

1/2

[likethelight]

[Ah...

He smiles a little. Lenalee had called him selfish and clouted him with a bag of groceries for that. For wanting to only sacrifice himself.]

In my world.. [and he would have wondered here too, were it not for the fact Road seems powerless]

... people who want to see the dead again can be tricked into bringing them back. But they're not the same. They're turned into monsters that can only kill, even if it pains them to do so. Because they still remember who they were, even if they're twisted into hurting everyone they cared about before.

[Quiet and calm, if speaking softly. Certainly, sure of himself. Eyes ahead.]

The only people that can give them relief have to do it by destroying them again.

[Pausing.] I hate it a little, I think.

2/2

[likethelight]

[But seeming to clear his head a little and—looking back to Kaworu. Smiling.]

So I know it's different here [somehow] but... that's not the sort of thing I'd wish for. [Again.]

It's okay. I think even when people are gone, they can still remain with us. In other ways.

[5thchild]

Humans always tried to overcome death, I think. It's because they are so scared of it or because it pains them so much.

But, like you said, the bonds formed will remain; you have already changed due to those bounds and it still lives inside of you. Just because they are gone, it doesn't mean those bonds will too.

I think that's why I don't understand mourning.

[ kaworu does not understand mourning, nor he understands why it's so painful when someone dies, why they fall into depression, why they hold on to the dead. For him, there are so many others, why should they hold on to just one like that? ]

[likethelight]

[Blinking, but—

Watching him for a moment. Considering. It's not the same, he knows (figures) that, but...]

Has anyone close to you ever died?

[5thchild]

No.

I understand the thought of someone dying is upsetting. [ upsetting to the point he killed himself for Shinji ] But afterwards... [ he looks at Allen for a moment, before his eyes look up. The rain was no longer as heavy; it seems it's about to stop. ]

[likethelight]

[Ah...

He hesitates for a second, more for being briefly caught.]

Afterwards it's more you'd be grateful for the time you had, right?

And hope they were somewhere peaceful.

[5thchild]

[ Kaworu tilts his head ]

"Somewhere"?

[likethelight]

[Er.]

...an afterlife?

[Allen's the last person to put religion in anything and certainly he hates it when people assume akuma are biblical demons or anything like that, but if you're an angel (of some sort some how), then...

Well. No.]

Wherever people go when they die.

[5thchild]

Religion. [ No, Kaworu has nothing to do with religion, but he has read about it. ] I see.

Does it make you feel better to believe there is an after life?

[likethelight]

No, not that. [He's very quick to correct.]

But they're smiling when they're freed, souls.

I'd like to believe that's for a reason.

[5thchild]

Won't that be because you ended their life of pain?

[ though, if they are able of resurrection in Allen's world, the souls must go somewhere after someone dies, in order to be called back to the said "monster" body.

In kaworu's world, a soul can be salvaged, but it must be placed somewhere, it doesn't go to an afterlife. ]

[likethelight]

I imagine so.

[A smile. Sad and sweet. He's already stopped for the most part, since the rain's let up and almost abated.]

But I don't think it's the only reason.

I can't explain it. It's just a sense; I can't see that far. But some people who have died can come here, too. And find happiness. [Nakama...]

Isn't that an afterlife of sorts? [In the... literal sense.]

[5thchild]

[ kaworu smiles and nods ] I think that you might be right, yes.

I like this afterlife quite a lot.

[likethelight]

[He pauses just a little at that. Something about... lumping himself into that just like that.]

Kaworu?

[5thchild]

Yes? [ the red eyes turn to Allen ]

1/2

[likethelight]

[...Maybe he imagined it.

He flashes a quick sort of smile and raises a hand.] Aah, nothing.