[closed] the only road I've ever been down

[likethelight]

Who: Allen Walker and Kaworu Nagisa
What: fruition of this. jesusy exorcists and angels meeting. and pastries. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG.
When: day 165
Where: Bakery near Sigyn hall
Rating: PG-PG-13?


[The bakery he'd mentioned was a short distance from the Sigyn hall; just a small sort of shop, really. Easy enough to find, though. ...The white-haired boy in a black and red uniform with the scarred face and a golden golem on his shoulder waiting outside helps in terms of being recognizable, though. Leaned up against the wall with a brown paper sack in white gloved (always gloved) hands.

...And a long black cloak with a hood pulled up that mostly keeps him dry. Though he does try not to sigh about or pull too sour a face at it; he really hadn't been counting on it raining this day after he'd had to put it off so long (honestly, he felt really bad about it)...

His luck...

But the golem flicks its wings after for a moment, snapping the rainwater out of them and peering its head (body?) closer to Allen's.] ... Mm.

[Idly petting it a little and letting his eyes close.] I know, Tim.

[—funny, you'd think it (him?) had... spoken to him.

It's alright. Nothing to do about it now.

So they were just waiting for Kaworu. Slightly melancholic despite having warm scones so close at hand, but that's more for feeling guilty about the last few days and postponing.

...But he'd made sure to try and get here early, after all, so he could pour on all his charm and score some of the day's extra pastries on the house. Occasionally he knows how charming he can be. Occasionally.]

Comments

[likethelight]

[The sad thing is, really...

... he wasn't even aware he was using the past tense.]

Why... [Beginning slowly, then stopping himself.

A blink. Flickers of a great many small expressions he swallows past. Just like that everything he'd been holding onto so tightly is let go, just an expression that's smooth—and maybe a little haunted left.]

...What makes you say that? That he's gone. [Gone, not just that he's not here in Asgard. It's an obvious enough difference.]

[5thchild]

You used the past tense. If he was alive, you would still address him in the present because you knew he was there, in your world.

[ so kaworu likes to poke at small details

like the fact that you didn't outright say "yes" and instead focused on the fact that kaworu assumed the man was dead ]

[likethelight]

[Blinking still for a moment, a little rapidly.]

... ah. [He's...

Actually he's a little ashamed of himself for that, and just cracks a bit of a smile that isn't a smile, eyes lowered and hooded by white lashes.]

You're right, I guess I did.

[5thchild]

Are you glad he is gone? [Kaworu knows the answer to this. Do you, Allen?]

[likethelight]

No. [But he's lifting his chin a little then. Quieter and more serious, but in a calm way. Certain.

Because that's not quite the point to Allen, either.]

Because I can't believe he'd be gone [ever], either. [Even if Allen is using the past tense. And he's not happy with himself for that.]

My master isn't like that. [It takes more than a little death to kill him.

It probably is an answer more than any simple yes or no, though. Because it almost sounds like pride.]

[5thchild]

[ Kaworu smiles at those words ] I thought he was a monster. Shouldn't you hope for him to be gone?

[likethelight]

He'd just come back to haunt me. [Quipping. His bills would, at least. ... Actually they really would and that's no joke at all.]

You said [wait right that was odd] you were in Antarctica?

[Allen that wasn't a painfully obvious dodge or anything.]

[5thchild]

[ it is obvious. ]

I was born there, fifteen years ago.

[likethelight]

[Oh.]

Born there?

[5thchild]

[ he will specify - ]

This body was.

[likethelight]

[His expression smooths a little. Ah... there was that and also it seems a very cold sort of place Allen hadn't thought anyone would really be able to be born in, what he'd said before—]

Because you're an angel. [Slight hesitancy, and he says it still sort of like a question, or confirming it.]

[5thchild]

[ a small nod ] The soul within this body is of an angel, but the body is human. I suppose that makes me half-angel.

[likethelight]

[A blink.

...It sounds a little dumb to him as soon as he begins to say it, but—

but just about everything in response to that does because how do you even comprehend it, even for someone like Allen—]

What's that like? [It's said very simply. Honest curiosity.] Being half-angel.

[5thchild]

Painful. [ he is still smiling, even though he just said that ] I am missing my half and I desire it more than ever. It's an instinct that I cannot fight, a desire that won't go away. I live wishing it and I will always feel some degree of loneliness due to that.

However, due to those I have met, due to the one I love, I find the happiness they bring more than enough to fade away my pain.

I am happy.

[likethelight]

[...ah.

It kind of aches. A lot. In that sad sort of way where you don't even know where to begin—might say that's something he's sorry for. Because he is, and for someone like Allen that's wanting to do something to help so bad, but he also doesn't say it because—]

... mm.

[—because he said he was happy. And that makes more sense than anything.]

I think I understand. [Soft and sad, but smiling gently. Because—]

That's very human, too, I think.

[5thchild]

[ Kaworu smiles and takes a sip of his tea ]

We are capable of feelings; they aren't exclusively human. We feel pain. We feel happiness. We love. [ his smile becomes much gentler ]

[likethelight]

[Not quite what he'd meant, but ah...

A pause and Allen takes a sip of his own, considering something. Awed? A tiny bit.]

Why do you want to learn so much about others, then? [All the questions; what he'd said before.]

[5thchild]

Because I love you. [ you may refer to the whole Human race and everyone that falls under kaworu's definition of 'Lilim'. ]

1/2 sometimes his thoughts get away from me and need untangling, I'm sorry sob

[likethelight]

[...To his credit he doesn't choke on his tea or squirm, which some people might at since, well—it's an intimate sort of thing to listen to, even, without being intimate, either. Because well, yes, it is a touch embarrassing even to someone like him to just say so normally (and so Allen's just a little quiet for a second, teacup to lips), but then at the same time...

He knows. It's a different thing; an important and different thing of its own to say it like that. Maybe because he's an angel. But even without getting into anyone's ideas of religion or if they're the same or not (and honestly that doesn't matter to Allen at all), that makes sense to him. ...And being a complete hypocrite sometimes or not, it gives him just a little pause for something else, too. Almost like deja vu except not quite.

...it's hard not to be reminded of akuma, actually. To love and destroy through that love and wanting to save. Sadness and joy and longing.

(The battlefield—when would he return to it and them?)

It's sobering.]

2/2

[likethelight]

[...]

Mm. [Right.

So there's just a slight smile and a nod. Before he sets his tea down (a slight click) and reaches to break his remaining scone in half.

—and just offers it wordlessly. Quiet, simple, and straightforward.

Sometimes gestures are more important than words.]

ahah it's fine <3

[5thchild]

[ Kaworu blinks and takes the half of the scone, thanking Allen with a silent smile. He takes it to his mouth, this time not thinking about the eggs in it because it was a kind gesture and honestly, though Kaworu knows kindness, he rarely (never, more like it) felt it from someone else. ]

1/2

[likethelight]

[Heh.

He cocks his head at a bit of an angle with a brighter smile at that. Honest cheer.]

2/3 lied oops

[likethelight]

[Even if it dims a little a second later, but more for becoming contemplative. Bittersweet, and his gaze slips away for a moment.]

...Everyone is really amazing. [Beginning slowly. Like it's important without knowing why it's important to say, and honesty is weighing it.] Even if people are taken from their homes without their permission... I hate that, but I can't help but want to help everyone here, too. It doesn't make the plight of people here any less.

But it's sad, too. I can't help but wonder what happens to everyone back home. To everyone I made a promise to. [Soft, but not quite sad, either. By now it's mostly calm acceptance.]

Here, I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to save anyone anymore.

3/3

[likethelight]

[Eyes back and a warmer smile, if still a small one.] But I'm glad, too. That I can still try to help everyone. [Even if he'll also be forever restless without the akuma. Forever have to return to them.] And that I've been able to meet so many different people.

I'd never change that.

Because of that, I don't regret anything. Here is important, too. [Does that make sense?

In his own way, he gets it. In his own way. His outright use of "love" is just generally for only the most emotionally charged—or saddest—of moments.]

[5thchild]

One sees the world according to one's vision. But one's vision can be quite small; you measure things according to your own small measurement, after all.

[ there is a point to his words, honestly ]

Though you may not know how to save anyone now, it doesn't mean you won't be able to later on, if you try. Humans are amazing like that. They are able to take a small sound like a rain drop and create music out of it. They are able to look at a white canvas and imagine a whole world for it. But a painter isn't born knowing they can pain just like a musician isn't born knowing they can create music.

[ Kaworu's red eyes fix on Allen ]

That's why everything is important, even if it goes by unnoticed. Everything forms you, in a way, for you are made of your own mind and things around you. This place does too. Its shops. Its people. Its rain. They are part of you and they help you form "you", shape "you" and above all, allow you to understand yourself better.

That's why those you have met and this place are important. You should cherish it.